Open letter to Guiseley AFC.

Open letter to Guiseley AFC.

FC Halifax Town
The Shay Stadium
Halifax
West Yorkshire
HX1 2YT

Dear Guiseley AFC,

REFERENCE: PROPER, NON-TINPOT RIVAL FOR FC HALIFAX TOWN

FC Halifax Town thank you for your recent application following your play-off final loss at Atlético Telford. We have considered all applications and to be frank, no difficult choices had to be made. We have no history with Hyde, we don't want anything to do with Droylsden's Dave Pace, Stalybridge are just a park team in Ashton, and Boston are on the other side of the country.

Your application then turned up at the bottom of the mailbag, somewhere between a load of Jehovah's Witness pamphlets and a court summons for a fan following a chip-throwing incident at Ashton United last year. We took into consideration Guiseley being fairly local and likely to be in the mix next season but feh. You have no chance of being our rivals in your current guise.

As you are a rising Leeds-based non-league outfit, we can only see you as a subsidiary Farsley Celtic for the time being, until New Pudsey's biggest side eventually take your place again following their reformation in the NCEL last year. And let me tell you now, Farsley were pretty much the smallest side Halifax Town FC ever played in the league before we went bust ourselves. To comprehend any local rivalry smaller than ours and Farsley's would be like the human mind comprehending sub-atomic Planck lengths of space. Impossible.

Despite your assets including beating us in the FA Trophy the other year and again in the West Riding Something-or-Other Cup this year, attended by some 235 bored fans, lost souls and discarded polystyrene cups, we simply cannot see this as a footballing call-to-arms. It tends to help a rivalry along when the away fans don't outnumber the home fans 2:1 at Nethermoor Park. We weren't even interested in James Walshaw anyway. We're a football club, not a bunch of professional divers.

And of course, we'll be very embarrassed if you actually end up beating us in any competition next season.

Best of luck in taking on any team bigger than Bradford Park Ave, and if you have any questions regarding this rejection, please don't actually contact FC Halifax Town, as they didn't have anything to do with writing this letter since this is in fact the blog of a Shayman fan who writes in a personal capacity. What are you, dense or something.

Lots of love,

              The Management.