Whitby Town 1 – 5 Halifax Town; 13/04/11.

Whitby Town 1 – 5 Halifax Town; 13/04/11.

My first shout out in a programme. Bright pastures ahead.

After a washout which stranded several hundred Shaymen in Whitby this February, it would've been more ideal if we could try again last Saturday, rather than midweek. Were we to have won the title here on a Saturday the turnout and resultant atmosphere would have been fantastic, but instead 250 Shaymen made a Wednesday night trip in search of three points we didn't even need. On the other hand, Whitby really needed this. Three points wouldn't've given them mathematical safety, but realistically that's all they need to stay up this season.

In my sad, cold life, bereft of all pleasures of the flesh, this 200-mile round trip is the longest I've done midweek. I await your applause. Setting off at 3pm I got a lift and spent a comfy half-hour over a Theakston's Best Bitter in the clubhouse in good Shayman company. Still reeling from the losses of the Whitby–FCHT fixture that was called off, the bloke at the turnstiles charged me for an adult price, despite qualifying as a concession. Cameron's Britain, eh. I picked up an enamel badge and found an atrocious old Whitby Town on Tour t-shirt designed poorly on Microsoft Word that I don't believe I didn't buy on the spot.

The main stand at Whitby is average-sized for this level but impressive and boasts a great view. After dribbling some mushy peas down my shirt and trousers however, I left for the terrace on the opposite touchline, also of a decent size. Behind the nets on either side is hard standing that opens up to housing behind. The pitch had made a marked improvement from its state during the washout, where a dozen seagulls were occupying some small pools in it, looking for lunch.

 

In the first 15, Whitby showed their desire, forcing Hedgey to draw out his land in the box. We kept up a resistance and Whitby 'keeper David Campbell made a decision suitable of someone twice his age when the 40-year-old walked out of the box with the ball, only for Danny Holland to intercept him and almost get a second touch which would've found the net. It was then Ibby Hassan who had his clearance blocked for Holland to take control of, and to cross it in for Greggers to despatch from a few yards out and open up the scoring. Few chances came between that and our second, a bouncing Holland header from a free-kick that outwitted the handful of Seasiders in the box. The game descended into pure merkage when Phelan showed quick feet to boot one into the uncovered top-right of the net from Tommy Ten Men's delivery. From five vague chances we'd been more clinical than ever and put the match away.

The second half came without grief. Lowe's shot was too hot for Campbell to handle, resulting in Greggers missing another of those hilarious open nets. Some hint of momentum then came when Whitby's top goalscorer Jimmy Beadle pushed a daisy-cutter past Hedgey from 15 yards at slo-mo speed. Six minutes later, following a facile decision from the ref', Tommy Ten Men fell in his box and subsequently pelted it into the top left corner to restore the three-goal margin at 4–1. Were that penalty a woman, it'd be someone juicy if a little vintage. Fiona Bruce perhaps. A Whitby midfielder yelped "We're being made to look small!" as we playfully ruffled their hair through the second half. Probably a bit late telling them that, pal. We made our Whitby league aggregate 10–2 as the match came to a close, Phelan rolling it in.

The cheers from the Halifax 'alf of the crowd were more of what you'd hear if we were thrashing Lincoln Moorlands Railway pre-season. Whitby had to find their points elsewhere, and since have done against rivals Mickey Mouse Sports and Ashton United. Good for them, a top town that deserves good rep, y'all. Despite intimidation from pockets of Whitby yoof, we made it home intact. Project 100 Points is very much on.

Whitby Town 1 – 5 Halifax Town; att. 491

Match: 7/10
Atmosphere: 2/10
Food: 6/10
Drink: 7/10
Clubhouse/bar: 8/10
People: 4/10
Programme: didn't get, but thanks for the shout, Goosey.
Town: 10/10
Ground: 8/10
Talent: 2/10
Overall day: 8/10