Whitby Town 1 – 5 Halifax Town; 13/04/11.

Whitby Town 1 – 5 Halifax Town; 13/04/11.

My first shout out in a programme. Bright pastures ahead.

After a washout which stranded several hundred Shaymen in Whitby this February, it would've been more ideal if we could try again last Saturday, rather than midweek. Were we to have won the title here on a Saturday the turnout and resultant atmosphere would have been fantastic, but instead 250 Shaymen made a Wednesday night trip in search of three points we didn't even need. On the other hand, Whitby really needed this. Three points wouldn't've given them mathematical safety, but realistically that's all they need to stay up this season.

In my sad, cold life, bereft of all pleasures of the flesh, this 200-mile round trip is the longest I've done midweek. I await your applause. Setting off at 3pm I got a lift and spent a comfy half-hour over a Theakston's Best Bitter in the clubhouse in good Shayman company. Still reeling from the losses of the Whitby–FCHT fixture that was called off, the bloke at the turnstiles charged me for an adult price, despite qualifying as a concession. Cameron's Britain, eh. I picked up an enamel badge and found an atrocious old Whitby Town on Tour t-shirt designed poorly on Microsoft Word that I don't believe I didn't buy on the spot.

The main stand at Whitby is average-sized for this level but impressive and boasts a great view. After dribbling some mushy peas down my shirt and trousers however, I left for the terrace on the opposite touchline, also of a decent size. Behind the nets on either side is hard standing that opens up to housing behind. The pitch had made a marked improvement from its state during the washout, where a dozen seagulls were occupying some small pools in it, looking for lunch.

 

In the first 15, Whitby showed their desire, forcing Hedgey to draw out his land in the box. We kept up a resistance and Whitby 'keeper David Campbell made a decision suitable of someone twice his age when the 40-year-old walked out of the box with the ball, only for Danny Holland to intercept him and almost get a second touch which would've found the net. It was then Ibby Hassan who had his clearance blocked for Holland to take control of, and to cross it in for Greggers to despatch from a few yards out and open up the scoring. Few chances came between that and our second, a bouncing Holland header from a free-kick that outwitted the handful of Seasiders in the box. The game descended into pure merkage when Phelan showed quick feet to boot one into the uncovered top-right of the net from Tommy Ten Men's delivery. From five vague chances we'd been more clinical than ever and put the match away.

The second half came without grief. Lowe's shot was too hot for Campbell to handle, resulting in Greggers missing another of those hilarious open nets. Some hint of momentum then came when Whitby's top goalscorer Jimmy Beadle pushed a daisy-cutter past Hedgey from 15 yards at slo-mo speed. Six minutes later, following a facile decision from the ref', Tommy Ten Men fell in his box and subsequently pelted it into the top left corner to restore the three-goal margin at 4–1. Were that penalty a woman, it'd be someone juicy if a little vintage. Fiona Bruce perhaps. A Whitby midfielder yelped "We're being made to look small!" as we playfully ruffled their hair through the second half. Probably a bit late telling them that, pal. We made our Whitby league aggregate 10–2 as the match came to a close, Phelan rolling it in.

The cheers from the Halifax 'alf of the crowd were more of what you'd hear if we were thrashing Lincoln Moorlands Railway pre-season. Whitby had to find their points elsewhere, and since have done against rivals Mickey Mouse Sports and Ashton United. Good for them, a top town that deserves good rep, y'all. Despite intimidation from pockets of Whitby yoof, we made it home intact. Project 100 Points is very much on.

Whitby Town 1 – 5 Halifax Town; att. 491

Match: 7/10
Atmosphere: 2/10
Food: 6/10
Drink: 7/10
Clubhouse/bar: 8/10
People: 4/10
Programme: didn't get, but thanks for the shout, Goosey.
Town: 10/10
Ground: 8/10
Talent: 2/10
Overall day: 8/10

Retford United 0 – 2 Halifax Town; 09/04/11.

Retford United 0 – 2 Halifax Town; 09/04/11.

One of the less flattering stats I can uncover for the Shaymen is that previous to our title-winning match at Retford this Saturday, we hadn't kept a clean sheet on aggregate against any team we'd played twice or more this season. For example, we beat Burscough 2–0 away and 3–2 at home, Ashton lost 3–0 at home to us and 1–0 away to us, but scored against us in the FA Cup, etc. Retford's statistics for this game said it all though. Shots off target: 0. Shots on target: 0. Corners: 0. So for a team who made a few attacks in the game, how did they not get any shooting practice? Throw-ins, dear reader. Retford is the European capital of the long throw-in, and the Badgers even hit the post with one this weekend.

Prior to the great badger cull, we'd drawn to Matlock to deny us the title last weekend. On Wednesday, Buxton could no longer catch us up when ex-Shaymen Andy Campbell scored the only goal for Whitby to beat them at the Turnbull Ground. This meant Colwyn could only overtake us . . . if they overcame a goal difference of 54 on us. With Retford propping up the table for the entirety of the season and Colwyn at Buxton, we were DEFINITELY DEFINITELY going to win.

That we did. It took us a little while to work out the pitch at Cannon Park, which had gone from swamp-like when we played there against Worksop in February to like a chicken's mudbath, and then we proceeded to play friendly-style football against a team filled with self-hatred. This self-hatred peaked at around 20 minutes when their #2 and #7 started fighting. Believe in your team, Retford. Cannon Park is still shockingly small and it was almost pointless to sing on hard standing. The park ground I went to today could've held more fans due to its grassy banks, and save the odd dandelion, the pitch was in a similar condition.

Our goal came when we broke on the 23rd minute, Vardy laying it to Lee Gregory who dodged it in an offside position, leaving Holland to come from nowhere. Clean through, he let the ball tumble in from the edge of the box. Two Town fans got on the pitch. Soon after Vardy almost did the same, but took it too far. A few minutes later the Town fans nearly got as noisy again: the lino made a poor decision to award them a goal kick, and when he ran off down the touchline, the flag fell off its stick. He retreated in embarrassment. A few Shaymen stole my "You should've got some Evo-Stik!" line. Liam Hogan made a textbook header from a Garner corner at the close of the half to satisfactorily put us 2–0 up.

The second half was low on entertainment, I'm afraid, but Baker and Holland were very watchable as individuals. I'd be a little worried by this scoreline normally, but the Town were going up. At the final whistle we invaded the pitch. Having done such a rigorous circuit on Friday evening instead of leaping over the barrier I collapsed over it, my sunglasses falling off pitifully, which the Shaymen Player just about missed out on filming, thank god. The Retford players wished us the best and for the next ten minutes we celebrated with our now-topless players in an open rural ground in north Nottinghamshire. The fans jumped up and down singing under a huge FC Halifax Town flag with our all-time top-scorer James Dean. If there's something football's lacking as you go up the leagues . . .

Today is Sunday 10th April. Temperatures have been above 20ºC for the best part of the day. We have five league games left, but today our pre-season began. We'll be looking at how to play in the Conference North, who to pick and who to say goodbye to. We've begun a long promotion party and I hope that you can attend.

 

 

Retford United 0 – 2 Halifax Town; att. 829

Match: 5/10
Atmosphere: 8/10
Food: 5/10
Drink: N/A, no ale
Bar: dark and showing the Grand National, yawn
People: didn't see any!
Programme: 6/10
Town: N/A
Ground: 1/10
Talent: 5/10
Overall day: 9/10

Halifax Town 2 – 2 Matlock Town; 02/04/11.

Halifax Town 2 – 2 Matlock Town; 02/04/11.

If we'd won this one and Buxton dropped points, we'd have won the title once and for all. HALIFAAAXXX TOOOWWWNNN.

Which is precisely what didn't happen, despite going up in the second minute as a Vardy cross turned into a Holland header which turned into a Gregory tap-in as the three Matlock players running to the line were left helpless. An easy start as any, but during a threatening attack from the Gladiators 'Ardy blocked a shot off the line, before missing the ball and felling the soon-to-be Torquay full-timer Ross Hannah. The penalty was taken by the leader of Matlock's one-man-band himself, and the intimidating noise from the South Stand wasn't enough to deter him. After 14 minutes, it stood 1–1. For a while, the atmosphere which made Saturday's crowd appear larger than the official figure was brought down enough for, say, 30 or so travelling Matlock fans to become audible. I remember a similar amount coming from Farnborough midweek several years ago and finding it very funny, but now I react to it with a "Hey wow, haven't they got a great bunch of fans."

 

We remained relatively entertaining for a first half however, and were rewarded for shining with confidence as Vardy squared the ball in for Gregory to tap it in again. We were once again content to turn up on time for the promotion party under a cool spring sun, with Ossett-Buxton scoreless. As those scores stood we were mathematically going up, but sadly one goal went the wrong way in either game.

The Gladiators returned in the second half with two substitutions. Ross Hannah off, and their number nine off, though of course no-one knew his name as he wasn't Ross Hannah. This should've meant a more defensive second half for them surely, but on the 50th minute we gave CM Scott Phelan the first run since his injury, and for a quarter of an hour Town domination became the fashion. This is when we should've scored to make it 3–1, to make Matlock fall apart. As for Gladiators, they were far more interested in falling about the place than putting up a fight. Well, when they were drawing anyway. The chance that really should've put the game away was man of the match Garner's long-ranger which the 'keeper dropped like a flying cactus, and Lee Gregory couldn't reply to make it a hat-trick. A similar free kick to Garner's shot got easily saved, while a Matlock free kick at the other end went under the wall, bounced off the bottom post and Hedge displayed feline reflexes to box its rebound out of the way. Matlock's chance of the match was followed by a lovely bit of slapstick where Lee Gregory booted a ball for the net, and instead it met their #3's face, which floored the poor bastard.

And then, the 88th minute. Some Matlock player threw himself to the ground as Tommy Ten Men Baker leapt for the ball and for the millionth time in his career, wee Tom was punished for being the one to stay on two feet following the challenge. Matlock had a second penalty, and made it a 100% conversion rate. I imagine Matlock fans would always have a bit of dissatisfaction for the way they took a point back to the Peak District there, as I would've. With four minutes added time we lacked the tempo to create anything from that point, and as still-proud Shaymen left the ground, Aspin stormed onto the pitch to tell the ref' his interpretation of events. Oh well, we wanted to win the title at Retford's cow field anyway.

Halifax Town 2 – 2 Matlock Town; att. 2132.

Entertainment: 7/10

Halifax Town 0 – 0 Worksop Town; 01/03/11.

Halifax Town 0 – 0 Worksop Town; 01/03/11.

I left Cannon Park last month feeling happy with a point, thinking "Will Worksop be able to be that physical at a pitch as even and wide as the Shay's? Not likely!"

I'd forgotten all about the bruiser treatment we were given time and time again in the Unibond North. Even though the likes of Suarez (one of the clean ones) were known for great legs at this level, the Tigers just had to resort to anti-Shaymen tactics of either blocking us or going for our ankles whenever we got the ball. This was coupled with unambitious tactics, all players occupying just a quarter of the pitch's size when a dormant Vardy may have been able to break through the Worksop defense. With training session-style ease though, our long balls were headed out by a Worksop back four on top of their game. This 0–0 draw was therefore one with very few shots either side, but somehow gripping because y'know, non-league games can't finish goalless. Something had to come.

Our real worry came when Hogan got a second yellow with 40 minutes left while trying to settle a score through the art of sliding tackles. The formation change brought on Andrew Milne who impressed in his brief appearance, and the teams were still balanced enough. Our two best opportunities were a close range ker-blam from Holland that met the keeper, and a hopeful free-kick in added time which couldn't quite live up to the crowd's desperation. On the other side we held our breath as a the North Stand goals, completely open save two Town defenders, shook when a Worksop striker hit the post before having a second shot intercepted and cleared. Though it's bizarre to think of not even Gregory finding the net in a Town game, Worksop managed to hold back one of part-time football's strongest sets of forwards on an off-day. Hopefully we'll never face them again, even though we may meet many more dirty sides in the future. It'll make a win on Saturday feel more deserved, 'mirite?

Halifax Town 0 – 0 Worksop Town; att. 1318
Entertainment: 5/10

Colwyn Bay 2 – 1 Halifax Town; 03/01/11.

Colwyn Bay 2 – 1 Halifax Town; 03/01/11.

Could you ever believe it? Two matches in three days! Finally, some excitement in our lives! A bank holiday trip to remember and er . . . oh.

At least our two longest journeys are out of the way. Colwyn's a 200-mile round trip to scenic Wales. Pies were forbiddingly served upside down in their polystyrene cases with no vegetarian one on offer. What is to expect of a country where boys leave school at 10 to become mercenaries for various tribes, while the girls are forbidden from even having an education? Adults were charged £7, on the cheap side for NPL games, but a whole week's wages for the average Welsh family.

Some Colwyn pressing quickly followed kick-off, but 'twas us who first threatened to get it in with a Vardy header that hit the post. They were tough oppo' to get through but the work rate between Baker and Phelan edged us. This was brought to the score sheet after 27 minutes when Phelan decided to take one of his hits and it fired in from outside the box. Phelan is always known to hit the woodwork with these efforts but a piece of justice came for him in one of the best goals of the season.

The first half carried on as it did. Tight, well played but without much of note. We were a few times saved by the fists of Hedge, who had to almost juggle the ball mid-air from a cross, punched it out a few times and managed to smother a shot that the Seagulls thought had been spilled (kickety-kick). Colwyn soon went on to show their Clown College side with a bit of acrobatics, which the referee did everything to encourage, rewarding kicks to them every time they performed a roly-poly.

It was when the second half came in that this really did grow painful. Before our substitutions (our four out-field players on the bench were strikers, which was worrying), we played at domination. So many balls swept past the goal line and into the other wing, with the Colwyn keeper catching each ball like a kitten after several hits of catnip. He became the official man of the match. Deano's legs were rightly proclaimed dud, and Marshall replaced him. Garner was surprisingly replaced by Taylor, despite having a good game. Our attacks outnumbered Colwyn's by about three-to-one . . . yet . . . two of their goalmouth scrambles went in. The first was a surprise that couldn't dent our hopes too much. The defending for the second was abject, and after about forty-six attempts at our goal from four yards, it went in. All of a sudden, there were 350 Colwyn fans in the ground, and they were cheering. Strangely they mostly had weak Scouse and Lancashire accents, while the children spoke like they were performing in period dramas. I remember barely being able to spot one in August '09, when we showed the team that went up with us how much of a threat we were with a 3–0 rout at Llanelian Road. Their inability to support a team for the majority of the time was highlighted with their second chant, "Can we play you every week?" which was a call for sadomasochism as the best team had lost. Or maybe they meant "Can we play with ewes every week?" Gerrit?

A stale taste of Prescot air came after the game's third and final goal. Their players would deliberately head away new balls that were thrown in after they skied our attacking balls out of play. The humiliation came when they refused to hand us a ball for one corner, and Tom Baker had to jump the fences to retrieve one from the field behind the East Stand. That gesture has highlighted to me the lack of professionalism that often crops up in this league, and a sad sense that our efforts are being manipulated. Three added minutes were given, of which one more was played, and the sun set on a desperate day where we lacked it clinically, slid on the pitch surface too often and failed to establish our positions. Seeing Vardy act as an auxiliary forward didn't best chuff me, as he had the most potential for scoring.

Luckily we can nip the entire problem behind today's loss in the bud by looking at how the defense deals with balls in the area. With a little more luck this is our "blip" team and we can lick the likes of Worksop and wonder why they're in the position they are. Another of the toughest draws comes this Saturday, away to Sludgeheap Victoria. I'll be hungry for more efficiency, Bower's defensive guidance, and better vantage points than at Llanelian Road.

Colwyn Bay 2 – 1 Halifax Town; att. 844

Ground: 5/10

Pitch: 5/10
Programme: N/A
Talent: 5/10

Non-partisan entertainment: 6/10 

Ashton United 0 – 3 Halifax Town; 02/10/10.

Ashton United 0 – 3 Halifax Town; 02/10/10.

To end our final FA Cup/league Saturday doublet, a handful more Shaymen than before surfaced in red brick Mancunia for another league game that will say a lot for our current playing standard.

It did—and with little skill required. Ashton practically gifted us this game, forcing Hedge to get fingers to one shot, but little more after that. That was them at their peak of the day, and after that they shut their eyes tight and gave in to a taste of the Shay medicine. This translated, and in return we didn't give a spectacular performance though Hardy returns to the team on fire, and Nicky Gray's desperate battle for a place in this season's team is seeing light at the end of the tunnel. Though without the confidence to go for goal himself, he set up a lot of good play. We haven't seen the end of him quite yet.

The squad was largely unchanged but Deano made a return, making a shot hit the netting in the first half before rolling flat on his belly over the line and just below where I was stood. He grinned throughout and seemed to be living the life of Riley (not James). He treated himself to a close range power into the top-middle which surpassed the 100 game award-winning Ashton keeper's reflexes for Town's second. The first came several minutes earlier in the play, this one in the first half, as Danny Holland was given an easy close-ranger as a result of bad defending, James Dean half-feeding Gray who left it to Holland who fed the goal.

So not too long after Deano's strike, an Ashton defender again gave a daft handball, and specially anointed penalty taker Baker gave a quick look at the left corner of the net and wrapped up the game. A fourth could have come, but the game was at a friendly pace with a friendly atmosphere. Nothing much else was needed, just ongoing harsh reminders of the Shaymen's presence in the Northern Premier and a special Hurst Cross leaving present from the hosts for three points.

Ashton United 0 – 3 Halifax Town; att. 543
Ground: 8/10
Pitch: 4/10
Programme: 4/10
Talent: 5/10
Non-partisan entertainment: 6/10

Chasevillage 2 – 1 Halifax Town; 28/08/2010.

Chasevillage 2 – 1 Halifax Town; 28/08/2010.

My longest away day since Newcastle Blue Star. It's all going to end in tears.

I would've been very surprised if I were told this scoreline prior to the match rather than watch it unfold in such a brooding fashion. Being told it at half-time, I would be very upset with my team. That's what I am now.



On paper, Chasetown would be practically the easiest away day. Promoted through the play-offs in the clearly inferior southern NPL league can surely only mean a rebound back into the depths. A fate they were getting ready for in their first two defeats before the third game of the season, when we rudely got in the way and lost to them. They were what they were on paper.

Chasetown are a tight ship. They are one of those teams that gets a moment of fame through an excellent FA Cup run, ending with Cardiff City in the third round, 2400 somehow passing through the turnstiles two years ago. If I remember right, a similar number from Chasetown previously made it up to Boundary Park, where they held Oldham Athletic to a draw. I won't lie; I'm not sure if there are that many citizens in Chasetown. It is little but a road in the south Staffordshire green belt, the green belt being a reason why they haven't been able to build a stand higher than 4', with a ground nestled into a wood clearing, threatening their future as a team attracting 350 or so to most games. I've done my research and they've come a little way to get to that. The professed zone for "Unofficial Scholars' News," ChasetownFC on blogspot, reports a game with an attendance of 83 for a mid-August Midland Football Alliance game. The second entry comes midweek, reporting a Chasetown away victory with the tantalising words, "More to follow."

We have sat in anticipation for six years.



A tight, effective ship I continue. A flawless pitch, an "oh, just quickly build a few steps here and there and get it done with" approach to ground-building, and a hint towards the intelligentsia; Staffordshire appoints itself to be "The Creative County" and Chasetown "The Scholars." Not the kind of team for those among us who left school with two GCSEs. You need a 2:1 degree at a Russell-group university at least to make the XI here, which accounts for any lack of youth team.

The first half was like returning home for me. Exactly four months after the last league match. Town cracked Chasetown and by the 20th minute were powering through them, and the goalie was being given endless abuse. Bliss. A Taylor cross perfectly went to Metcalfe's powerful head, which hit it just over, before a little while later Metcalfe squared it to Taylor, and this time with such close-range, the ball only had one place to go. The Shane MacGowan lookalike had his first league goal down.



Not too clinical again, but 1–0 to us at half time. Satisfactory, with great performances up front. Our defense I couldn't see as at these bus stop grounds you have no vantage points for that, and to most supporters of bus stop teams that doesn't matter because they're only attending for a larf and the odd massive match when they play a team like us. Expect the Chase to lose their bank holiday game emphatically.

Then, in the changing rooms, the Chasetown chairman conducted a terrible experiment, where he swapped over the brains from our players with the brains from theirs. Out came a Town team that was unremarkable both individually and as a team, and a tough Chasetown side that magically won every 50-50 and every referee decision. There were a few cries for penalties for us; warranted ones that will have to go down to the highlights for us to tell him so, but ultimately we were shocking.



Now you won't beat anyone with two shots on target, or at least shouldn't expect to beat anyone. Aspin in Friday's 'paper spoke of being clinical and it didn't happen today. Do we really have the skill to put those opportunities away? I would like evidence on Monday.

Chasetown were in many ways tough when they came together, but should be more straightforward when they come to the Shay. I suspect they will be lost without the wind and cold and will be given a good hiding. I'm fairly certain of that. I hope I can be certain of that. If that's the toughest fight they can put into a game, then all we have to rely on is not playing as shambolic as today. Aspin I'm sure will know this, and his grilling is one of the most effective we can expect of a manager. His words imply that he strongly believes in a team that can not only hold it at this level, but be depended on to tear apart certain Black Country squads.



Early days I suppose, but a team missing five players, no matter how key as they were, shouldn't fall down when we have several signings from close season who act in the very least as strong reinforcements. Perhaps we should experiment with a strong XI as close as possible to last season's strongest XI?

On the grill they all go.

Chasetown 2 – 1 Halifax Town; att. 611 (looked like more?)
Ground: 2/10
Pitch: 10/10
Programme: N/A
Talent: 4/10 (fetching physio)
Non-partisan entertainment: 7/10

Trafford 0 – 2 Halifax Town; 14/08/2010.

Trafford 0 – 2 Halifax Town; 14/08/2010.

Our fifth Saturday friendly is our last, and both players and fans alike should be happy about that. With most every other league in action however, steps three and four are the slow kids again and refuse to keep up, saving it for Sat 21st. Hence, the last two games have been with our newly ex-rivals from step four savagery, Clitheroe away (3–2 to us) and this here Trafford match, presumably both arranged as transfer agreements with Vardy/Garner and Metcalfe respectively, three squad-bolstering prospects.



A fruitless quest for guest ales at local pub Bird i'th Hand brought me to a cheese & onion Holland's pie with peas at Shawe View, followed by seconds at half-time. I've now visited the ground in three out of the four past seasons (autumn, spring and summer that is) and though it felt dull to return to a seemingly tiny place, the atmosphere is cosy, every single detail in the ground is well tended to, and there definitely isn't sporadic dumpings of litter here and there like well, Bamber Bridge's place. Our golden goal opportunity (home goal, 87th minute) was thankfully thwarted in the expected time—in about four minutes, Vardy perfectly lobbed the keeper from the edge of the side of the box.



Trafford faced the same problems they've always had with our Aspin-run team from then on, and their hoofs out calls came with the responses of us charging towards their ever-present defense. Like a bagatelle, our corners went straight to our headers, but our headers missed the net. We had a good share of close free kicks, including one which enraged a Trafford player so inordinately for a friendly that the referee forced a substitute out of him; a benevolent way of getting him off the pitch. Our thin lead wasn't under threat and it was OK to keep by half-time.

Immediately came the news that the inevitably doomed Blackpool were 3–0 up away to Wigan! For the time being, that will be the story we'll all relate to the start of the 10/11 footballing season, relievedly stopping Chelsea's 6–0 victory over WBA in the evening taking over the back pages of the papers tomorrow. Personally ecstatic that Blackpool were the team to nick the title off—for less than three hours.



Just like the last away day to Trafford, the half-time satisfaction of winning lead to the tedium of us not putting away our chances. The play was polite as a friendlies entail at our end and were the need there, I'm sure it would've been more. Something I really was hoping for, to give our new signings a taste of the effort we put in to so many competitive matches. Trafford steadily improved. Were it not for Hedge's anticipation, they could've brought it back, but luckily traffic was still going our way. A few opportunities for us lead with Trafford's number four hardnut/egotist clashing with his tubby 'keeper and them getting frustrated with each other. "DON'T DO THAT AGAIN!" barked #4, taking the goalie's confidence by a notch each time. Managing to finger one tough shot left of the post and punching a likely higher kick over the bar helped, but in the 89th minute our other Clit Hero signing and bleached wonder Garner fired home.



Neither we nor our players were that merry either. Facing Buxton at home, playoff candidates by merit of their pre-season run, wouldn't be as easy on the back of a draw and there came a little frustration. A decent enough cross by Tom Baker didn't quite go as planned in his mind, and he screamed "SHIT! FUCKING SHIT!"

But the second goal came, and straight after it boredom got the better of the ref' again who blew a whistle before normal time had even finished. An unfit Phelan seems doubtful for next week, and thoughts linger in my mind as to whether going to the Halifax Show would've been more cathartic, in the form of watching angry geese attack equally angry dads, rip-off ghost trains, and donut helpings as endless as the hay bales. But nah, this is my team, this is my duty. I'm in Edinburgh next week for Camp for Climate Action/Edinburgh Fringe Festival/Beirut and Richard Youngs live. My only wish is for Deano to return to play as soon as I return to the stands, to participate in a long and eardrum-rattlingly loud "DEANO! DEANO! DEANO!"



Trafford 0 – 2 Halifax Town; att. 250 approx.
Non-partisan entertainment: 4/10


FC Halifax Town: pre-season friendlies 2010/11
Brighouse Town 0 – 5 Halifax Town
Halifax Town 0 – 0 Droylsden
Hyde 1 – 1 Halifax Town
Halifax Town 0 – 0 Gateshead
Halifax Town 1 – 2 Grimsby Town
Clitheroe 2 – 3 Halifax Town
Trafford 0 – 2 Halifax Town

A few pictures from Curzon Ashton.

A few pictures from Curzon Ashton.

Thanks, Oli.

Anyone keen on writing it up is still more than welcome to offer.









Curzon Ashton 0 – 5 FC Halifax Town; att. 803.

Sounds like our most convincing away win this season, ahead of Shepshed Dynamo and Colwyn Bay. The insane buzz the changing rooms had for the first few months of the season seems to have come back.

FC Halifax Town 4 – 0 Lancaster City; Sat 10th April 2010.

FC Halifax Town 4 – 0 Lancaster City; Sat 10th April 2010.

I had to take Night Nurse twice to get to sleep for two nights prior, and here it is—the very pinnacle of FC Halifax Town's existence thus far. Not that it were destined to be such (alternatively, it may have almost confirmed us going up via the playoffs), but most of even the loftiest predictions for Saturday's match managed to gaze above the end result.

What did we know? It was a battle between 2nd (us) and 1st (them), with two points separating it. It doesn't confirm a season, but it goes fairly far in telling us how the Unibond North runaways square up to one another.

So, it was 4–0, we're top now by a fragile point, and we managed to take in 3152 through the turnstiles. It was the highest crowd outside the league (luckily Luton, Oxford, Cambridge and Wimbledon weren't at home to pip it), and the 31st highest crowd in Saturday's pick of English football—all from a team in the eighth tier. That many for below sea level football, all spectators taking their places within two stands, means atmosphere. With me on accordion and another fan on drums that was what we had.

Not forgetting there were 22 people below us kicking a ball around too. The quality of play meant the woodwork fans would need good excuses to pass off watching us again. Many regulars took friends, exiles made the long trip, and some even wandered in out of interest. As a team, Lancaster were average and hadn't got us sussed at all. We, on the other hand, were on fire. All of our moves were given vocal encouragement and some of them were close calls. An early close-range effort was blasted over before Gregory opened it up within a few minutes. In the second half Fearon nearly spilled it into his own net. He took a scorching header towards the end very well, and another effort regretfully hit the bar. So another "We could've had seven or eight" again for many, though this time against a team that has won 13 on the trot; an opposition form you wouldn't want to take home to see your grandma.



On top of the bombarding of the Lancaster defense, three further goals pinned the Dolly Blues down. Payne's header near the end of the first half bounced 'twixt players but couldn't be stopped, then Deano and another from loan man Lee Gregory towards the end. Lancaster were everything I found them to be away at Woodley, which wasn't much at all. But this time Lancaster scuppered a chance of running away with it against their only rivals to the title; an awful move for their management. They played football, but they didn't play it very well. That seems to happen nine times out of ten when a team play football against us. The Lancaster striker Jordan Connerton, who has equalled our James Dean's tally, failed to break through the defense and add to his 38 or so in this season's campaign.

It was a performance that never petered out either end and I have no reason to rate it under 10/10, even were I a non-partisan. For passion, whichever team you backed, you weren't going to find a better venue this Saturday. I won't even mention the baseness of the Grand National . . . Many of the <100 Lancaster fans were still applauding their team several minutes after full-time, and the four goals each tested the crush barriers from my placing near the top of the South Stand. Sadly, it will always heat up a bit, especially in the biggest game we've had for a few years, and a nobber or two tried to pick a fight with the Lancaster fans, but there was nothing at all serious to report. I have to blame those in power for not imposing segregation when it was necessary and made complete sense.



Coming home I found out Shonen Knife are playing at the Brudenell Social Club in Leeds in May. Bloody perfect day, and well done for all of those extras lending support. I'm hoping 650 are now in the mind to find the Tameside on AA Route Planner this Monday for Curzon away, which will be a tougher match, nyerm, 1300+ in attendance for Radcliffe home this Thursday, and what, 850+ 'obbling to Ossett on Saturday. The fixtures are clogged, but if this 4–0 of all 4–0s doesn't snuff the apathy of Calderdale citizens and attract a few hundred more, nothing will.

This has been my proudest moment as a Shaymen and I have a feeling people won't come out with ridicule as often when they find out where my allegiance is. Having said that, I'd like to have a slightly calmer match next time! Most of us know that on Wednesday night, over five dying minutes we scored three away to Garforth Town to come out 3–4 victors and I'm becoming a mental wreck.

As per match reports away to Rossy and Garforth during the week, I'm afraid I've been in Scotland. They'll never be, unless on the off-chance someone wants to write them up for me.

Just perfect! Who needs female contact? See you at the Shay.



FC Halifax Town 4 – 0 Lancaster; att. 3512.
Non-partisan rating: 10/10
Top men: all