I'll save you from the misery of reading a Skelmersdale review . . .

I'll save you from the misery of reading a Skelmersdale review . . .

. . . So instead, here is the video I compiled of this year's action. Enjoy.

Rundown: FC Halifax Town 2 – 2 Clitheroe; 20/04/10.

Rundown: FC Halifax Town 2 – 2 Clitheroe; 20/04/10.

Football becomes particularly desperate when your prime attacking force turns out to be your goalie. Such happened in the first half on Tuesday night's game as a knackered bunch of Town players saw it through keeping the one point needed to give us the title.

Clitheroe had their threatening moments including a through ball which Hedge managed to cover, but our impetus was so lacking in the first half that the most momentum we'd get would be when the lad took a goal kick and we'd run right after it. Clitheroe marked us tightly and got very stuck in, but the fact of the matter behind that half was it was one of the dullest a Town fan has seen in the league all season. But we can get mean in the second half when we want to. We initially didn't.

It was a game of one half and then two quarters. A forced corner was taken advantage of by Clitheroe at the start of the second, and a quarter of an hour later they shot well, beyond Hedge's reach, to make it a bewildering 2–0 up. Which, for the second biggest attendance of the season, was a perturbing first. Would any floater return? But changes had been made, in Peers and Wilde (who came in fresh for Deano). It added the pace we definitely lacked, and Wilde beat the first man on almost every occasion. The way Aspin and Storton pump it into these man is fantastic. What with our attacking input too, it seemed goals would come.



For these, one rolled past their keeper in a well-placed shot for a well-earnt goal for Wilde on the 75th minute. It woke up the fans and enough noise was made to back all chances for the equaliser that had started to seem unlikely.

And it came, and in what style. It was poetry that the ball would come to Tom Baker, the centre midfield rock, always with us, always trying and dictating both defenders' and strikers' moves. A ball headed out from a corner bounced by him, and he, well, here you go (caution—delirious and foul language):



It wraps up a beautiful season for FC Halifax Town, and we're now going up. And who deserves it more than Baker, who has gone several months without a goal despite his striking talent to work on the behind, taking cares of matters there. Looks like he had a flip saved up for the moment too!

In the mean time, Clitheroe seemed to get rougher. At one occasion they did the typical late-second half thing and one of the players had a good roll about as soon as he heard the ref's whistle blow. Justice was done in the final minute when one was immediately sent off for going too far himself.



The South Stand sang away by the end of the match, though it was made underwhelming by crawling back to manage a respectable draw. Today's was more of a sigh of relief and we shall be expecting gleeful eruptions on Saturday.

But it doesn't matter. We'll be punching above in a few months' time, teams of a higher calibre, teams from a larger catchment area. I have discussed amongst others before a few places I'd never want to visit again but would have to obligingly if we stayed down, and for the meantime, they're gone.

At the same time, there are wonderful days out I've missed and would perhaps have never experienced otherwise. Places like Salford, Chorley, Trafford, Colwyn etc, hats off.

There are several rotund and/or timewasting goalkeepers I won't really miss.

There are genuine fans that I hope continue to thrive together in our absence.

There are many amateur-to-novice prima donnas I'm glad to see the back of.

There are a few charming old builds out there that deserve hundreds more fans to frequent them every week of the footballing season.

Saturday, which as I write this is coming up in about thirteen hours, is the last game for us in the Northern Premier League Division 1 North *gasp for air,* a seemingly tough but enthusiasm-grabbing game against Skelmersdale. we're looking to beat the record Unibond attendance for a game which would stand at a bit less than 3400, and though I can't be sure of that, I'd be delighted if it happens! Glory days have come and will continue to come if the ship remains as tight and effective as it is now. Me personally, I expect an honourable 4–1 and Skelmersdale to play the good football they do. Tomorrow's the promotion party and we'll be singing our hearts out for the lads.

FC Halifax Town 2 – 2 Clitheroe; att. 1932
Non-partisan entertainment: 5/10

A few pictures from Curzon Ashton.

A few pictures from Curzon Ashton.

Thanks, Oli.

Anyone keen on writing it up is still more than welcome to offer.









Curzon Ashton 0 – 5 FC Halifax Town; att. 803.

Sounds like our most convincing away win this season, ahead of Shepshed Dynamo and Colwyn Bay. The insane buzz the changing rooms had for the first few months of the season seems to have come back.

FC Halifax Town 4 – 0 Lancaster City; Sat 10th April 2010.

FC Halifax Town 4 – 0 Lancaster City; Sat 10th April 2010.

I had to take Night Nurse twice to get to sleep for two nights prior, and here it is—the very pinnacle of FC Halifax Town's existence thus far. Not that it were destined to be such (alternatively, it may have almost confirmed us going up via the playoffs), but most of even the loftiest predictions for Saturday's match managed to gaze above the end result.

What did we know? It was a battle between 2nd (us) and 1st (them), with two points separating it. It doesn't confirm a season, but it goes fairly far in telling us how the Unibond North runaways square up to one another.

So, it was 4–0, we're top now by a fragile point, and we managed to take in 3152 through the turnstiles. It was the highest crowd outside the league (luckily Luton, Oxford, Cambridge and Wimbledon weren't at home to pip it), and the 31st highest crowd in Saturday's pick of English football—all from a team in the eighth tier. That many for below sea level football, all spectators taking their places within two stands, means atmosphere. With me on accordion and another fan on drums that was what we had.

Not forgetting there were 22 people below us kicking a ball around too. The quality of play meant the woodwork fans would need good excuses to pass off watching us again. Many regulars took friends, exiles made the long trip, and some even wandered in out of interest. As a team, Lancaster were average and hadn't got us sussed at all. We, on the other hand, were on fire. All of our moves were given vocal encouragement and some of them were close calls. An early close-range effort was blasted over before Gregory opened it up within a few minutes. In the second half Fearon nearly spilled it into his own net. He took a scorching header towards the end very well, and another effort regretfully hit the bar. So another "We could've had seven or eight" again for many, though this time against a team that has won 13 on the trot; an opposition form you wouldn't want to take home to see your grandma.



On top of the bombarding of the Lancaster defense, three further goals pinned the Dolly Blues down. Payne's header near the end of the first half bounced 'twixt players but couldn't be stopped, then Deano and another from loan man Lee Gregory towards the end. Lancaster were everything I found them to be away at Woodley, which wasn't much at all. But this time Lancaster scuppered a chance of running away with it against their only rivals to the title; an awful move for their management. They played football, but they didn't play it very well. That seems to happen nine times out of ten when a team play football against us. The Lancaster striker Jordan Connerton, who has equalled our James Dean's tally, failed to break through the defense and add to his 38 or so in this season's campaign.

It was a performance that never petered out either end and I have no reason to rate it under 10/10, even were I a non-partisan. For passion, whichever team you backed, you weren't going to find a better venue this Saturday. I won't even mention the baseness of the Grand National . . . Many of the <100 Lancaster fans were still applauding their team several minutes after full-time, and the four goals each tested the crush barriers from my placing near the top of the South Stand. Sadly, it will always heat up a bit, especially in the biggest game we've had for a few years, and a nobber or two tried to pick a fight with the Lancaster fans, but there was nothing at all serious to report. I have to blame those in power for not imposing segregation when it was necessary and made complete sense.



Coming home I found out Shonen Knife are playing at the Brudenell Social Club in Leeds in May. Bloody perfect day, and well done for all of those extras lending support. I'm hoping 650 are now in the mind to find the Tameside on AA Route Planner this Monday for Curzon away, which will be a tougher match, nyerm, 1300+ in attendance for Radcliffe home this Thursday, and what, 850+ 'obbling to Ossett on Saturday. The fixtures are clogged, but if this 4–0 of all 4–0s doesn't snuff the apathy of Calderdale citizens and attract a few hundred more, nothing will.

This has been my proudest moment as a Shaymen and I have a feeling people won't come out with ridicule as often when they find out where my allegiance is. Having said that, I'd like to have a slightly calmer match next time! Most of us know that on Wednesday night, over five dying minutes we scored three away to Garforth Town to come out 3–4 victors and I'm becoming a mental wreck.

As per match reports away to Rossy and Garforth during the week, I'm afraid I've been in Scotland. They'll never be, unless on the off-chance someone wants to write them up for me.

Just perfect! Who needs female contact? See you at the Shay.



FC Halifax Town 4 – 0 Lancaster; att. 3512.
Non-partisan rating: 10/10
Top men: all

FC Halifax Town 1 – 0 Chorley; Fri 2nd April 2010.

FC Halifax Town 1 – 0 Chorley; Fri 2nd April 2010.

The two home games giving us light relief between six away fixtures over just a few weeks bear some light relief: Lancaster's next Saturday being the game of the season promises the second highest attendance to Wrexham's, one of the greatest atmospheres, and hopefully a performance our way that stretches beyond the great. Which it most likely will. And today's was Chorley, not the most immediately remarkable of features, but one historic occasion as the first time Town fans are allowed into the new East Stand.



Though we dawdled and missed the first minute, we were still in on the match entertainment. Within a few minutes a corner found Payne's goalie-stranding head and on the sixth minute, the game's only goal had been made, and the champagne broke against the new ship. The first half followed through as one of the nicest halves this footballing season, always going forward with balls, many corners, a good amount of noise and none of the Chorley attacks seeming threatening. Their goalkeeper did a hell of a lot to try and save them from then on. The execution again just about lacked, and the low balls on a very choppy surface, but everything was up to scratch considering level of opposition. I say it would've been one of the nicest half of the footballing season, but I stood there needing a wee for most of it. Town fans expected more of the same in the second half.



In fact, we dozed a little. We did realise this after a little while, and a few torturously close goalmouth scrambles ensued. By and large though, it was a half of balls being just too short and an unsatisfying follow-up half. At times when Hedge perfectly judged a header of theirs, and a couple of blats at the nets which he could only tip over, we were hanging from the thinnest sinews.



It was a tough one, but the second half remained a fairly 50–50 affair, but out of it both goalkeepers played a vital part for their club by not increasing the numbers on the other side, and either defense just about cut it. It wasn't the best for us to watch for 45 minutes, balls going a little short, play not all there, but as much as it failed to grab the game, it served its purpose. A less settling part of it was Phelan being a bit out of it, getting frustrated and reaching his tenth yellow, meaning he's out for Ossett and Radcliffe. Points in the bag there really, but you can't be too self-assured and our midfield's thin in numbers on the run-in.



To the stand-opening! Not as many occasional supporters came in as possibly hoped for, but a good lot to be proud of. Chorley had the good grace of bringing one of the biggest away busloads too, which is refreshing. They have to be one of my favoured teams in this league, with a relatively high support, a tendency to play football and one of the best looking grounds in the whole country. The East Stand is alright for legroom, nothing as cold as I imagined, and it felt awfully prestigious like, walking down the runway, looking up at all the fans. Three sides were open, again for the first time since Wrexham, with 30 or so of the hardcore Skircoat grumblies remaining there. Quite something to see the Skircoat as populated as it would be during a pre-season friendly at 3am on a Monday against Mold Alexandra. I'd divulge in that EMC company deciding to run our food stalls, but it wouldn't be pretty to read.



It's one of the greatest bricks in the wall of the new club, anyway. The next thing we need doing with is obviously the title, but for a fan who has only even seen the East Stand with people in it twice, over a decade ago now, today's game was good, but the new beginning made it great.



FC Halifax Town 1 – 0 Chorley; att. 1508.
Top men: Hedge, Lowe, Baker.

TITILLATINNG TOP TABLE TOWN TROUNCE TORRID TRAFFORD TO TATTERS

TITILLATINNG TOP TABLE TOWN TROUNCE TORRID TRAFFORD TO TATTERS

Sadly, Lancaster remain top of the table after taking the points in the last few minutes again, making it 2–1 against Mossley. Around ten substitutes, a referee, two linesmen, a physio, a bored-looking ballboy, a few officials and the odd fan attended the Lancashire to-and-fro at the Giant Axe.

But with a more convincing win, the Shaymen held their first away clean sheet in two months with a well-deserved 3–0 scoreline against Trafford. The end result is a two-goal push against our fellow title-contenders, and something I'm footballistically (ta for that one, Arsene) happy to take; the score I predicted on Wednesday.

The three points come against a mid-table outfit who were more up for a game of football than ever. It was prevented the last two times I saw them due to the goalkeeper ever falling over so their physio (young blonde woman) could run on and dab him again. The rotund keeper, guarding a nice set of league-standard nets today, asked for no heed this time around and as a result, he was bullied by the fans behind the net far less for his unfootballing size. Also, has anyone noticed that several Unibond physios are all young, baseball cap-wearing women with really long blonde hair? Don't remember any of their faces however, just in case it turns out that it's the same one, deployed to the most-attended game every matchday.



Oh no though, today the keeper stood in the way of several Town shots that weren't flying to either side of him, and got his fingers to a few others. At one point I retrieved a stray ball which I accidentally kicked toward the corner flag rather than him, and I apologise about this because it wasn't a matter of wanting to make him run a little or waste time, rather after not playing football properly in a decade, I'm a rusty cog. He won't be happy now either way, as three goals did go in, book-ending both the start and finish of the game. The first came two minutes after the kick-off, Wilde being released perfectly and cleanly putting the ball away.

Play came and receded from then on, but it was mostly Town domination. Trafford had two attacks early on after Town's two, but from then on the 50:50 play was over. It was another case of one-way traffic this time, though a nice change to see it away from home too. There were moments among these, Syko's very early save-forcer, narrow misses, some excellent crosses and balls that weren't executed early enough. The first half was a wave-off with certainty that some killing-off goals would come our way.



Normal service continued in the second half, but as mentioned, the shots ranged in quality but never tested so much. To liven up our forward few Peers replaced Sykes and an unimpressive Dean went off for new striker Lee Gregory a little later on, but play was starting to get tentative when things were at 1–0 in the final quarter what with our record for throwing things away. We let Trafford get back in it a little, if enough to attempt to penetrate our solid defense although Hedge wasn't given any challenges. The grumbly windbags stood around me (need to be more selective where I stand) really kicked off when loaned man Barnes, a man who has left no impression on Aspin's promising mold, was sent off after allegedly headbutting a man, and said goodbye to a short and unremarkable career as a Shayman.

Though this brought us to the height of clenched teeth for the game, it was a good reason for the lads to act on Aspin's urgent words to put more in. Peers struck a low shot from outside the box that completely bypassed the Trafford 'keeper just before injury time, and gave one for Nick Gray to easily put away a couple of minutes later. The crowd went from panicky to very much satisfied, and the "RUBBBISH PEERS, AS USUAL" moans seemed more moronic than ever. Super sub.

Lee Gregory had pace, but with little given to do couldn't to put his name on the score sheet. The fans were few and quiet today, but certainly happy by the end of things. As for the 20 Trafford part-timers who went off just before Barnes was too: why? You clearly have no license to chant "We love you Trafford, we do" when you've just sneaked out at your most hopeful moment of the game!




Our time at Shawe View was exactly how the guy with the microphone described it: a pleasant afternoon. The temperature was edging on the tens, dry weather and rolling clouds made it a good opportunity to lie on the banking behind one of the goals. And the pitch was in fantastic nick, not a speck of mud showing through, even around the nets, oddly considering the goalie's hippopotamine figure. Their groundsman has been nominated for an award and it shows: a flat, lined surface, no litter even in the ground's recesses.

The ground itself has been a work in progress in the 19 years of Trafford FC's existence. In its current state it has two opposing stands lengthways, a banking behind one goal and cover over part of the other. The stands themselves are basic as they come—galvanised tin on poles, and backless. It sounds rather lacking but what we had was a ground kept so trim that it qualified as an excellent venue. That and it was one of the few places I've been to flogging cheese and onion pies, which is always very welcome. Just a nice tidy place in nice tidy surburbia Mancunia.

At half-time, the guy with the microphone announced they were soon to face Lancaster again on the 13th, a rare day's rest after the Shaymen play Curzon Ashton. Well, it fits snugly inside the Easter holidays for me, and I'll entertain the thought. It'd be a pleasure.



Trafford FC 0 – 3 FC Halifax Town; att. 512.

Ground: 7/10
Pitch: 10/10
Programme: 4/10 (lots of stats, very little write-ups!)
Non-partisan entertainment: 8/10
Top men: Peers, Wilde, Phelan, Sykes

Heroes of Clit.

Heroes of Clit.

The Unibond League could make matters so boring for me, that I'd ditch this project quickly and move onto something else. But when a league consists of a gang of vociferous (read: grumbly) Halifaxians gath'ring round a small pitch full of unpredictable bumpy nooks, twists, turns and thrills are all guaranteed, and these were what was brought out in Tuesday night's away clash to Clitheroe.

Seventh-placed and on decent form, it was going to be one of the wins-in-doubt for the Shaymen, with our away form still lacking a 50% win record that would be so helpful when pitched against the opposition we have.

We arrived about five minutes late, and ten or so of us Shaymen ran up to the turnstiles where the attendant moaned there was more of us, and we entered a lovely little ground. The side we were in had a few steps on one side where you could do chin-ups on the roof bars. One length had further area covering and a few steps to it, with the same affair at the centre of the goal at the other side. The other length end had a wooden seat stand near the end of it, another little boxed stand, the clubhouse, refreshments et al, and an interesting toilet. It was small enough for you to worry about dribbling on your shoes even if your back was leaning on the wall behind, and open air. If you weed high enough I suspect you'd be fertilising the plants in the gardens of the adjacent terrace. I'd've taken pictures, but I'm not weird.



The first half established the game to be a physical one, with neither side wanting to let the other keep possession at all. All men were marked and even the clearest wing break was only clear by a couple of yards, and this mutual gameplay allowed for pretty much no clear cut chances, and few interesting breaks. Clitheroe were holding up for now.

The pitch itself was tiny. The corner spots were so small that Baker would have to chip it rather than take more than one step. It was in exceptionally good condition, with short even grass and no mud to speak of, but to anyone who has visited, they'll realise one side of the ground is several feet higher than the other. So if chipping a corner is hard enough, the ball probably has to be placed on a tee too so it doesn't run off. I was told it was a 30ft raise, but that would mean one side was a house higher than the other.



In the second half the action came in. Town had stepped up their game a little and there seemed to be more momentum towards either far side. However, when Paul Sykes scythed down their player on the side of the box, a penalty was the only option even such an inept referee could give. It was powered home as Hedge fell to the side.

In the next proper lunge forth for Town, Richard Marshall was then felled deep into the box by the 'keeper, and it was an even quicker decision for the referee to send the guy off. With no substitute goalie on the bench, a gallant defender stepped up, shirts were swapped and after a few minutes' deliberation as the new goalie stood up to the task, Aaron Hardy powered the ball home into the bottom right.



Now, Clitheroe were making some noise. During the first half 40+ Clit Hero teenagers were stood behind Hedge, doing the whole "You! Fat! Bastard!" affair and trying to string together some chants (at the first half they seemed pretty unrehearsed but bless 'em, they tried). After the point of the Shaymen's equaliser, the lads remained nervous up front. Balls were fired but not aimed, and most were scruffy, play unsuited to sloping sides and almost always went to the industrious Clitheroe defense. It had got to the point where the Clitheroe Casuals had got a bit complacent, chiming "Whey!" at all of these slips.

Within a few minutes of changing the game around for us, Aaron Hardy made the teams 10 men apiece as he got the ball, the man fell and the referee made what was unanimously a bad decision to give him a "second yellow" after Marshall got booked for dissent for merely protesting. The sending off was nothing but controversial, unwarranted and probably a mental piece for the referee to balance out the game. A Unibond ref' tends to tell whether something's a foul or not by the "clunk" noise he hears or by the reaction of the felled player. Hardy walked off a respected Shayman, albeit under the "Sheep shagger!" calls from the Clitheroe youth bracket. Dire.



On another fairly interesting note, several teenage Clitheroe natives joined the Halifax crowd for the second half to shout on our team a little or at least join out of curiosity. I didn't mind that at all, though one lad wasn't courteous about where he blew his smoke.

And it carried on, and another draw seemed inevitable after a frustrating day for me, and an equally frustrating match to watch. For a quick getaway we walked to the other side from behind the ex-defender's goal, which was when the Clitheroe kids upped their game a little. As we passed them their chants and pointing turned on us, unprovoked, and the same "sheep shagger" routine. One of them tried to take off with my father's flat cap.



So we watched the final few minutes of added time on the other side of the ground, when Deano sprinted down the left in a half-promising run. The Clitheroe bracket whistled, chided and were mid-way through another "Whey!" again when Deano surprised them with the only composed strike of the match. From a decent distance, the first shot of the half was on target, and that one was enough to get past the inexperienced 'keeper and into the net of his first ever team. DEANO!

We stood for two seconds, waiting for a referee to give it offside and for the crowd to react, and then went mental. The team celebrated with the fans as several ran onto the pitch, one leaping into Deano's arms. And just as beautiful was this 2–1 lead, that the Clitheroe kids finally shut up. The final whistle blew half a minute later into the game and Town got a lengthy applause, all the team overjoyed with such a narrow win, after so many draws this season that seemed equally somehow unjustified. We then ran off to celebrate with the other fans and those kids started their chants again, this time all gathered right around me, a little close to comfort even though it was just a couple of classrooms' worth of 14/15-year-olds. I slowly walked off and applauded the littl'uns sarcastically.



But I must say. The sudden leap of your heart from a 1–1 shipwreck to a 1–2 steal from pretty much the first Town goal in the final minute is one of the most euphoric experiences of my life, especially when you're blissed out, surrounded by a large group of angry opposition kids trying to make something kick off. My thanks to those kids; I enjoyed every second of their abuse. We quickly got out of the place.

As we drove off, the kids stood in two gangs at either side of the road, shouting abuse at the leaving cars of Town fans. We rolled down the windows at them and chanted "We love you Shaymen." We got lost on the way out to find they were still doing it after several minutes of being there! Apparently such a performance from those kids was something straight from the seventies. As we drove off this time in the right direction, we passed a takeaway called Deano's. The man is everywhere.



So, one of the happiest wins I've ever known. I'd just like to make a comment in the way of these grassroots Unibond fans. A lot of talk gets around that it's family-friendly football. Much of the crowds consist of friends and family of the club. Much of the other fans are there for honest football with no pretensions, unswayed by money. Either way, they're fans of a great team spirit, and an honest fanbase with a dignifying sense of themselves and their opponents. I'd just like to dispel this myth with this recorded evidence. Give over forty kids looking for aggro on a Tuesday night a few quid each, and here they are. Were one of them to have brought it slightly above what they did, or have done it to someone else, something big would have kicked off, leading to the Unibond equivalent of an inquiry (a few old men in a port-a-cabin munching on Wagon Wheels, nursing lukewarm tea and deciding to deduct both teams 36 points or whatever).

Anyway, top, top night, and yet another reason that we mustn't entertain the off-chance that we spend another season down here. I'll be approaching AFC Fylde 12 hours from now, and with the new ex-Southport signing Bradley Barnes we'll expect a return to very cohesive, together and clinical football, on from the great run we've enjoyed in the last couple of weeks.



Clitheroe 1 – 2 FC Halifax Town; att. 654.

Ground: 7.5/10
Pitch: 5/10 (perfect condition, very imperfect slopes)
Programme: 5/10
Non-partisan entertainment: 5/10
Local kids: 0/10

Seasonal affective disorder.

Seasonal affective disorder.

It is sad news indeed to announce in the Following the Shaymen HQ that Winter has been called back early to Northwich. We'll without a doubt be greatly missing his input.

I just don't see that this loss can affect us too badly. I'll miss the lad. The Phelan–Baker–Winter combo would be a tough one to reckon with in any Town formation in the past couple of decades. However, we can't let ourselves panic.

Before Winter came along we were the promotion force we've always been. By the close of the year our WDL record was still brilliant. We can't be completely lost from these heady days a few months ago. Despite the few that'll be available at this time too, Aspin is the one who'll look for talent to paste into the cracks. Northwich Victoria have their team on transfer list, and may be a good call to find another player (is Junior Brown still playing for them? Ha, ha, ha). Otherwise it'll be at least considered that we'll sign him.

For now, we still have Syko, who seemed a gem at the start of the season. In his few performances since he's been substandard, nutting a player and getting sent off within a few minutes of his return to the game from a broken arm. He could play deep a little while we get Baker to gang up on the goalie with Scott. Whatever way, if we harness our line-ups correctly, which Aspin will near doubtless do, we won't realise the potential points loss in Winter's return.



Still, this is JUST like waking up from a dream just before the really good bit.

The part where you're about to open that treasure chest.

The part where the sultry temptress (played by Carey Mulligan in this author's fantasy) goads you into your hotel room.

The part where you're sitting on a cloud with God, and upon asking him the meaning of life, he opens his mouth and says, "Well, Arthur . . ."

The part where Deano places the ball on the white spot 10 or so yards from the keeper, takes a long run up and fires home the fifth goal in front of thousands of Shaymen against Lancaster in April, sending us eight points clear on the top of the Unibond North.



Anyway, a third of the season to go, and if we keep it up, we'll end up on 99.0000001 points. Sound alright to you?

Prescottt's Fables.

Prescottt's Fables.

Baker had a word in Friday's Courier that a score was to be settled today, and it was. Home truths from last Saturday have woken the Shaymen up to not get complacent and tighten up a little. With two relatively easy home games this week we seem to have grasped the formula, and an 8–0 aggregate should seem acceptable to all Town fans.

Our second opportunity to respond was against Prescot Cables, the most idiosyncratic team I have ever known, merrily rocking back and forth in their own little world in mid-table glee.

Now, Prescot and Town have a history. A history that goes back two games, but still quite some history! Prescot showed us that even a team like FC Halifax Town under Aspin reign is not infallible to Unibond league teams, and the second 1–0 defeat after the one to Wrexham in the cup came as a great frustration. The ball pattered to and fro in the 90 minutes of gameplay including 15 or so minutes of stop-game nonsense here and there between. The post-game trauma lived on in the minds of Shaymen up until this date.

After half an hour of today's match, it seemed to be more of the same. Prescot were hard to break down and not the most gallant effort was made. Me sitting in the Skircoat seems to lead to the worst in some ways though, for the stand is dotted with beacons of infinite grump. A guy behind us was moaning at Marshall (because y'know, if you don't score in a little while that makes you destitute and totally unfit for the squad). Another middle aged man turned round from in front and glared at us for actually making a bit of noise, whispered to his spouse who turned around and gave the most awkwardly long stare. Crazy, crazy people!

The first half seemed to be more of the same from November really, just not as horribly macabre. Barely a shot, except there was a little control over the game though the ball wouldn't bounce in ways as unpredictable as a rugby ball, unlike at the previous away fixture. The single, and really really massive thrill of the half was Winter's strike of the season, as he immediately hit a ball headed out of the box at screaming speed past their goalkeeper, who couldn't attempt to stop it, though he did try. Bless. And a hit so perfect would be worth 45 minutes of boredom any time.

So it was a lead that brought us into half-time, if a lead hanging on a thread that could be cut by a lucky break from them Cables. The team's second half performance was glowing and eager. Topping-off goals were inevitable. One was a fart in from Marshall as he was perfectly laid on and beat the goalie while dribbling. The second was a Lowe goal after Dean's was deflected. Domination continued again, and Cables even shared a few attacks towards the end, but nothing that we couldn't push back out. The biggest plus to take home from this game at a playing perspective was the improvement of the defending unit. Riley and Payne were accomplished in headers and made very few mistakes, Aaron Hardy also making sure their attack had no say on things.

So that tells the story on the goal-scoring side. The rest of the goings-on made for some proper, proper northern football.



The first thing to be said is that we had yet another Unibond-standard referee. We can be happy that this one had no bias, but his bumbling incompetence redeemed that. With a very stupid accidental Winter foul going in early on in the game he surprisingly gave the free-kick to us and saved him from the book. His unperceptive display was kept up for the whole ninety however, and the best of games was prevented from his stop-start means of carrying the match forward.

His big moment of the match came halfway into the second period. Tom Baker and Prescot captain Rob McIntosh went in sliding for the same ball, and McIntosh came out far worse, with him lying on the pitch for five minutes as Alan Russel Cox's lot took him off. The referee immediately gave a much-debatable red card. Many adjudged it to be a 50–50 and a fair challenge, others worthy of a straight red. Baker has had a history of rising out of such challenges and his small stature has made many referees lead themselves to thinking he has been fouling. Nevertheless, he received a rapturous applause as he came off, had played a fine game and to all so many including myself, the red only came from how badly the Cables cap'n came out of the foul. No malice from the Doctor at all. A laddy Tom Baker.

Either way, it didn't really matter. We took the disadvantage as a wake-up to use the space of the pitch and continued to outperform the Tigers. They had no chance of getting back into the game before their number three was sent off after exhausting the referee's warnings with all too aggressive play. Get an ovation he didn't, and we were so enthusiastic to give him a bye-bye that we almost missed a near-goal experience from Deano!

The opposition players continued to drop like unarmed soldiers in no man's land for every tackle possible. In fact, the chiding for McIntosh's fall was in no doubt brought on by him being yet another recumbent player. At best this was down to an unfit Prescot who hadn't made the most out of their training and couldn't stay on their feet for a full game, but I suspect they were trying to attract the inept referee's attention by collapsing on the floor over and over again.

Their keeper was up to his usual jokes again. The kind of jokes that make Michael McIntyre and Lee Evans seem funny. He'd whimsically jog to the other side of the box and spin the ball about in his gloves at a goal kick, and it took him to throwing a ball that landed on the top of the net into the vacant North Stand for the referee to react and run over to tell him to get his act together.

Looking back on November too he was already complete pratt, and no Shayman is wondering why he was given the marching orders this last Tuesday night. Ball goes out, it takes a little while for the rat-faced louts behind the Prescot goal to give it back to the keeper, and they then throw a few more on after the next is kicked out so the game is stopped. Another ball goes out; the Prescot coaches pretend they haven't any left! The keeper then shared the success in his special little plan to your board members that evening. A strange mammal who yet again took the flak he received as a personal achievement.

The rest of their eleven showed determination not to be caught out actually playing a game of football too. Beyond falling about everywhere their football was absolutely cynical. Oh wait, they didn't actually attempt to play football! The FC in Prescot Cables FC could stand for all sorts of nasty little things, but "Football Club" cannot be one of them. Though we weren't the cleanest we've been, that sort of display was far from one-way traffic. To cap it all, they had the acting talent of freshers from Pineapple Dance Studios.



So how could I sum up a wonderful afternoon? Poetic justice; November's performance redeemed. The tubby behind the net was made to hurry up. Their fans hadn't a cup final win to cheer about. Their players weren't allowed to run wild and free, though whether they wanted to play football or not was up to them. They declined. In front of a decent crowd (1322) the Shaymen sounded the gong of a resolute win, a second, earnt clean sheet, and hopefully a wave goodbye to a grotty team, and a fixture fans from both sides will be glad to never have to see again.

Entertaining stuff and fine play, my points going to Winter, Riley and Phelan without underestimating the rest of the side. The unlikeliest of Lancaster losses (1-3 away at Harrogate) and further point drops from Skem and Curzon have freed us a few more rungs and this week will doubtless come to be one of the most tremendous of the season.


[Better quality game coverage can be viewed on the Shayman Player, which is now giving away free 14-day trials giving match highlights and interviews, as well as access to over eighty other clubs with a similar service. Get it before it's too late.]

Ossett take a pounding!

Ossett take a pounding!

After the chemical castration that was Saturday's performance, Aspin's men responded with an emphatic win over third-bottom Ossett Albion in the succeeding league match this Tuesday.

The game got off to a yawn as most Town games tend to until, instead of the umpteenth attack this time, the first attack, where Nick Gray strided either side of two Ossett defenders who failed to show pressure and slotted the ball in its rightful place. The game became a little more interesting, and after not too long Gray found the net again, this time deceptively heading it over the goalie's reach from a crossed ball. Effing fantastic! The man hasn't played to well in recent games and Aspin was quoted saying he was entertaining dropping him, but against all likelihoods, the right idea was to keep him in. Soon into the second half, Gray found an open goal in which to place another close-range header. Yeah!

Up to then, Ossett had their own threats. In the meantime before the third killer-offer, Ossett deceived our defense again (still not top-notch) and had a few one-on-ones. Two Hedge collected from the strikers' feet, and three he tipped over well. A good game from the lad. But after this, Ossett lost it and it was Winters' turn to make a convincing mark on the scoresheet, with two credible goals to finish Ossett off to be devastated with a 5–0 loss against one of the tightest Halifax units so far. An absolute top show from the midfield three, Winter, Baker and Phelan, with Baker staying back a bit as he has done so far this season, and Scotty trying to make the scoresheet himself at some points. The games of Dean, Marshall and finally Peers were by no means shockers, just without luck and effective enough.

In all, a great night out and a VERY RUSHED REVIEW BECAUSE I REALISE I'D BEST GET THIS WRITTEN AT LEAST BEFORE WE GIVE PRESCOT CABLES A THUMPING ON OUR HOME TURF TOMORROW.

Strictly come dogging.

Strictly come dogging.

It's been a pretty good week. For me on a personal level, anyway. But then I decided to carry on being a Shayman and get emasculated as Radcliffe Borough came back from two goals behind, and over the course of 20 minutes, changed the tables to make the final score 3–2.

You couldn't really blame them for their utter ecstasy as one of their coaches ran towards the kick-off spot once the third went in as it seemed the last result you would guess. Things felt tentative for Halifax as soon as Radcliffe's first breakthrough attack of the second half found its way scrappily past John Hedge, and two—just two—further breaks put them in front for the first time in the game.



But again, the Shaymen's end wasn't the one with the most divots in as we put in a typical 35-attack display, close on many occasions but clear-cut and in on just two. The first game halfway through the first half and in good time, as the Stockport-loaned goalkeeper Lloyd Rigby went out to clear a ball which found its way to Phelan, who made it fly well over the defenders' heads and to the other side of the nets. The man had yet another top, dedicated game whereas Baker made balls fly, partly down to carrying a bit of hip pain. The second was a close-range header into an open net as the keeper was on the other side near the start of the second half, and several others their keeper managed to save without making errors in his placing. In all though, he was possibly the best I've seen in this league, and won't remain here long. Didn't stand there hopelessly putting on weight like the others, but couldn't kick a ball.

Neil Aspin seemed to make this match a test for a slightly different formation. Marshall came on as a substitute (along with Peers, who deserves 90 minutes at least half the time, adds incredible pace) but those two came all at late time. Andy Lee played left wing and carried the ball very well but didn't get stuck in. Codman wasn't present, and in defense Riley was performing at a low standard.



Anyway, another case of us needing to be more clinical I guess. Even before we start to focus on bringing together our excellent defenders as a tight unit, I suggest attacking like it'll only happen two or three times in a game. Many of our opposition do it, and succeed leaving us bewildered. My second team, Bury, are also great practitioners of it, and training on Radcliffe's pitch maybe Boro' took in this form of play to use today. A game of two halves and the second eventually went their way.



Not without entertainment, though. The order of the five goals could've been a thrill and the work was end-to-end, with very little time to tune off, if ever. Off-pitch entertainment included a very reactionary adolescent member of the steward team. When he bleated "COME ON, BURY!" he received a load of taunts, so he resorted to angrily flapping around his arms inside his oversized bright orange jacket, making chimp-like faces at the Town fans. As the ferocious few stewards walked past the seating again they got chanted at, and the lad seemed visibly distressed, whining "Shut up!" at one person he managed to pick out. Quality stuff, and if anything he should have been more susceptible to banter.

The atmosphere could've been a lot better, but even as fans we lacked a bit of confidence today. Lots of growling really, and an irritating amount sneaking out with a few minutes to go. What was worse though, was the one or two that made their opinions known to our players in a foul way. Many a simian creature takes joy of hitting Halifax when we're down, but with those apes around posing as "fans" and giving our team abuse, the fire is fuelled. I suggest they take a long holiday to Norfolk Island.

The ground filled requirements basically, having enough area behind each goals to suit my yelling needs with a very decent seater stand behind one nets, several concrete steps behind the centre of the other and rickety steel along one side, with a few crush barriers along the other. Utilitarian but with a cabin fever feel. Programme was the weakest all season. It looked like a double glazing leaflet with two articles that could be read in just as many minutes, and wasn't glossy, jto tip Wakefield's in being the fartiest affair of the season.


Ground: 6/10
Pitch: 4/10 (couldn't blame the mud in this weather, but the slope is quite something)
Food: 0/10 (no fecking chips or pies or peas in sight, pathetic)
Programme: 1/10
Entertainment: 9/10 (fantastic for the non-partisan)

FC Halifax Town 3 – 0 Harrogate Railway Athletic; 13th February 2010.

FC Halifax Town 3 – 0 Harrogate Railway Athletic; 13th February 2010.

To hell with the missus, spend a Saturday afternoon freezing to death at the Shay with 1200 or so other enlightened characters and watch tearfully one-sided football until the final, shrill whistle. And if you find that a little too much, take her with you. Just remember to go to the toilet beforehand, because there isn't any soap in the grounds' bogs and apparently merely wetting your hands only feeds germs.

Tonight's a night of celebration, for this is the first match report I've done for Town which doesn't involve them drawing! It isn't a curse! But against a team who have failed to win away in the league this season, it shouldn't be such a surprise. Despite that, Harrogate RA are a team that play more football than average, and a unit I hope we didn't humiliate too much.

The match heralded possibly a first at the Shay, as I took along a friend who is possibly the first Chinese woman ever to pass through the turnstiles. And . . . *drum roll* . . . we've just made another Shay(wo)man! Town put their all into today's game and she wasn't disappointed at all, despite being new to the game to my knowledge. It's also good to finally have a case of Halifax stealing fans from Huddersfield for once, rather than the other way round.



Kicking off, as always it was pretty even for the first five minutes. We warmed up and started spending most of the time in their half again.

Now, one of the cardinal sins of a striker or anyone getting forward to the box is allowing the ball to fly across the box and for none of them to receive it as it does. Dead balls going from post-to-post in line with the net is desperately sad. If an opponent grabs it there, then tough titty. Otherwise, it's an open goal opportunity. Anyway, it happens, and opportunities like that saw the Shaymen getting closer and closer to the net. For the rotund goalkeeper's waddling and lack of dedication however, he pulled off decent saves throughout the game and eventually Marshall had a gloved header trickle in as the goalkeeper scuffled it. Goalazzio!

More putting-in-placeness came approaching half time, as corners didn't quite find clinical headers, and throughout the game two or three goals were disallowed, though with fair sense. Commotion was raised as Scooby (I think) fell in the box, but by half time it was 1–0, a satisfactory, but not quite comfortable.

Harrogate didn't really threaten in their few attacks, but of them there were two goalmouth scrambles where Hedge eventually gathered the ball. He had a fantastic match to man up to some of the balls which got so near to the net (even though the venom in Harrogate's attack was about as poisonous as a nice hot bubble bath), and the first clean sheet in a few games.

The second half saw an even better display of football. The only performance I can truly criticise was the meekness of Winter's efforts, and Nicky Gray, though his confidence increased as the game went on. The second goal seemed without question as Gray broke through and with a clear-cut effort, slotted it past the keeper who, due to his mass, was unable to get to the ground in time.

Play petered out a little again as it did after the first goal, and Peers came on. Within a few minutes, he fired a low shot at the keeper in a similar scenario, which was hit to fly straight out of the nets immediately by the desperate slide of a Harrogate defender. The referee quickly decided the effort went in. 3–0! The cheers weren't as great due to the moment of suspension, and the controversy about whether it went in definitely was there, as there were but microseconds in the time it actually passed the goal line and was kicked out if at all. But, Town fans! Here's your proof:



The second half was comfy and without too many mistakes anyway, and many may say the score didn't quite live up to the performance, but there's nothing to complain about. Practically the best thirteen players at this current time saw through the game at least in parts, functioned exceptionally well and were a treat to watch. A comfortable game once we picked up at the second half, and another seller for FCHT. The whistle blew after a worry-free half, and Town fans quickly filed out of the stadium before their extremities froze off.

We'll have to take the chances bequeathed to us on Monday's Curzon game at the Tameside if they have the skills their position suggests, but by today's result, there is nothing to fear. It'll be a heated cracker of a game regardless of the final score, and if you're not usually the one who'd enjoy getting pneumonia for your local team then I pray you take that evening's game as an exception. Hoping for a crowd in excess of 700 there, and if you'll be one of them then I'll happily see you there.