Cack-Handed Away Guide IX: GUISELEY AFC.

Cack-Handed Away Guide IX: GUISELEY AFC.

Nethermoor Park
Otley Road
Leeds
LS20 8BT

Nickname

The Lions

But we call them

Disguiseley, Harry Ramsden AFC

Billy basics

Managers: Steve Kittrick, Chris Holland

Founded: 1909

2010/11: 5th, Conf North

2009/10: 1st, Northern Premier League

2008/09: 4th, Northern Premier League

Highest position: 2010/11: 5th, Conf North

Average attendance 2010/11: 472

Who are Harry Ramsden AFC?

Harry Ramsden AFC didn't just form for the halibut. Oh no, they were really salmon else, an amateur team formed by local "enthusiasts" and full of that non-league sole. Skate-ing from the Wharfedale League to the Leeds League right over to the West Riding County League in the first few decades of the 20th century. They kept a brill-iant record in the various West Riding leagues, winning championships and the local Wharfedale Cup nine times out of ten in the '60s. The whiting was on the wall for the West Yorkshire league when they caught a whiff of the Yorkshire League, finding a plaice in its top tier in the late '70s, hooking up the West Riding Challenge Cup thrice in a row.

In 1982 they scampi-d off to the newly-formed NECL Premier League, taking a couple of pikes at the promotion spot before getting there fo' real in 1991. They reached the FA Vase final in '90, '91 and '92, and were squids in when they won it on their promotion season. Success abounded and the Guiseley faithful were clam-ing for more. It came when they won promotion to the top tier of the Northern Premier League in 1994. Haddock they reached the end of their boundless success? Oh my cod, of course not! In their first NPL season, dab-handed Guiseley earned an FA Cup 1st Round tie against Carlisle United at Valley Parade in front of 6,548 fans, but were battered.

Guiseley then flounder-ed in 2000 when they were relegated back to the NPL Division 1 North, but fans couldn't be too trout-faced when league restructuring saw them in the Premier again in 2004. The Conference North promotion bid had begun, but something started to smell fishy. The fish smell turned out to be one of burning: their main stand was subject to an arson attack in 2008 that would've cost something to the tuna £20,000 to mend. The ruined stand clearly needed a good sturgeon. It didn't take long for Guiseley to confront the problem and mullet over; a replacement 300-seater stand was built in 2009.

Guiseley got their latest bite of success in 2010 as they perch-ed at the top of the Northern Premier League on the final day of the season, and became a minnow in the Conference North. This lowly status was a red herring: they earnt a 5th place in 2010/11, bowing out of the play-offs in the final at AFC Telford United's plaice (you've already done that one - Ed.). Guiseley continue their search for an umpteenth promotion in the 2011/12 season, and are currently preparing their home-bass for Conference National standard football. Tinpot? Guiseley frankly don't give a pollock. They're officially the second most threatening Conference North team in West Yorkshire.

The ground

Sources 1 2

Enough with the fish puns (the only reason being I've run out of them). The idea of Guiseley's ground being in the Conference National in its old form would blow claims of Throstle Nest being a garden shed straight out of the water. The new main stand is a smallie of course, and a temporary stand beside it has been added, as well as a few steps behind the adjacent Railway End. With this in mind it's all-systems-go at Nethermoor Park for competing in a national league for the first time in their increasingly-successful history.

The town

You guessed it—Guiseley is home to Britain's best-loved and largest fish and chips restaurant: big ol' Harry Ramsden's. Where else would you go? Guiseley itself is a Leeds 'burb in all honesty, the ground located on the Otley Road that goes straight up from the University. That's more or less it. The ground is just up from the station with frequent trains from Leeds, as well as buses.

Will we need to segregate?

With just 200 or so stuck in a corner of the New Bucks Head on their big play-off final day, it seems as if our nearest Conference neighbours won't be prepared to pack out San Shayro.

OFFICIAL SITE

TRY FORGING A MINOR LOCAL RIVALRY HERE

Be part of history, leave a comment.

FC United of Manchester 0 – 1 Halifax Town; 11/12/10.

FC United of Manchester 0 – 1 Halifax Town; 11/12/10.

It's a freezing Wednesday night at Gigg Lane and Football Club United of Manchester are playing the biggest game in their short history. They are contending with Brighton and Hove Albion in a replay of the second round of the FA Cup, having drawn at their place. Each opportunity in this cup is another cup final. Through the flares and dark cold a large banner billows as much as it can when its four corners are pinned to a barrier. "Making Friends Not Millionaires" is the maxim.

If FC United made millionaires in the way they make friends then they'd be staring liquidation in the face.

Us at FC Halifax Town have been rubbing our hands together for this one. Let's put it coyly: this isn't because we both have support that outnumbers all others in the league. Nah, we're just excited to have a game on after three weeks. With Aspin giving the boys a lot of running exercises at training as pitches in the Northern Premier League freeze over, maybe they want to do something more interactive also.

It's been another magical FA Cup run for a handful of clubs. Tipton Town took on Carlisle after getting through six rounds. Hythe Town likewise, bowing out to Hereford. Havant & Waterlooville got another good FA Cup deal for their money before falling to Droylsden, who threw away a 2–0 lead at Leyton Orient, the O's coming back in extra-time to net eight. Droylsden are one of the most central teams in Manchester, though not many professed City or United fans would recognise their name.

 

FC United did remarkably well, too. They got through five rounds. Even more remarkably still perhaps, they eclipsed all other tales of heady FA Cup dreams. They're out of it now of course after losing 4–0 on Wednesday, but they're not yet out of the relegation zones. A commentator during the Brighton game explained this may be down to "their style being unsuited for the Northern League." That's a bit like saying Ann Widdecombe isn't suited for the sexuality of the modern man.

The relation is this: Halifax Town never had a choice when we lost everything. With opaque staffing and declining performances we could only sit and spectate. The borough of Calderdale wasn't behind its club and still is antipathetic for the most part, so even when we rose from the ashes, a supporter-owned club was out of the question. We're lucky to have the most open management in years. We're lucky to have a large stadium that stands tall and in decent nick for one of the first times ever. And we're lucky to have a team and management team that put the time and effort into the club that we as fans do. So in this match, the biggest in the non-league this weekend, FC United were playing a team of similar support. That's what the neutrals came for still, but they stayed for the FC United story. On the other side of the halfway line stands a team representing a club once known as the worst in the league, and there isn't a team in this league who don't fear us as opposition. For those actually involved in the Evo-Stik Premier, we're the ones to watch. Rightly so, as even FC United, who despite achy legs put in one of their big efforts, failed to match up to a Town line-up, our excuses plentiful but aside.

Over to more pressing matters, an entourage of Shaymen rocketed over the Pennines for a bit of fun. Sources over here put it at 750, sources over there put it at 937, but for however many it was we were raring for another league game. Singing as we approached the turnstiles helped too. I gave the fella with the programmes £2 for a neatly laid-out but thin issue that could be devoured within five minutes with great respects to their community efforts. It should be noted that fans like him were cheerful and chatty. As many top FC United fans there are about, they're sadly eclipsed by the endlessly cocky and hostile sub-Leeds United nutters who soil a great (not far from perfect!) concept for club management. Notable in the programme is the charitable heart it places in of Greater Manchester. Our club isn't far off in this respect at all, but it creates FC United as a social conscience. I'd wager those who perspire for the club and its community work and those who make this a reason to be arrogant scumbags are two completely separate factions. All the best to the programme guys and the FC United fan who extended himself to offering me a lift for this game, and may they inherit their club over the worst sorts. True fans: masses of warm, firm handshakes and luck wishes.

 

FC United came out from the changing rooms as a nasty shock, and a departure from the eleven dry farts I saw at the Horsfall Stadium a few months ago. They forced an attack early on with a narrow miss, and missed out on a fuzzy penalty call as Liam Hogan and their Carlos Roca nearly collided. This was more like the FC United I saw on Sky against Rochdale and Brighton. They were up for it, but when they weren't attacking we were. Guaranteed. Garner laid on very nicely for Deano who skied it at close range a few minutes later. Following on from that, Scott Phelan hit the post. If the times Phelan hit the post and the times he scored were proportional to the area of the posts and the net itself, goalposts would be about two metres wide. He'll get them in soon enough.

Not the best but not the most worrisome showing for us in the first half, then. As Deano went off injured, a bit more bite came into our attack. Just as I remembered the words I'd been given: "FC United cannot deal with crosses into the box," Metcalfe did just that. The ultimate finishing move for a goalie is a deflection of a quick ball which came courtesy of Garner's head, and the ball sizzled in the right corner. The Cemetery End erupted and carried on at such a volume for a good while.

 

One goal's never enough though, especially in lower-league football. The ensuing 40 minutes were some of the most tense I've seen, and across the stand our very frequent chanting interchanged with much chewing of fingernails. We forced more attacks, but when we weren't setting some up they were. Their problems were getting caught offside too often and damn target practice. Ours were . . . target practice, I guess. Sometimes we're great at it, sometimes we're desperate. For a team susceptible to attacks on the wing we didn't do that all too often but if Vardy finished all his one-on-ones he'd be bringing the match ball home for sure. If it weren't 0–1, it'd be 3–4.

The final whistle blew, and three points were counted for the Shaymen, now six points in the lead. If Worksop win their games in hand they would be three points behind us. Beside which, we're simply admiring the view.

FC United of Manchester 0 – 1 Halifax Town; att. 2805

Programme: 5/10
Talent: one stewardess; a Town fan returned to get "searched" by her again

Non-partisan entertainment: 8/10  

Independent review

Matlock Town 1 – 2 Halifax Town; 16/11/10.

Matlock Town 1 – 2 Halifax Town; 16/11/10.

Turns out the Peak District has possibly the coldest weather in England. Cold but not numb in Leeds as I set off; cold but not numb as I arrived back at 11:15pm. 300 or so Shaymen going down Matlock way for a craic have experienced their first properly extremity-freezing match of the season, but all with good earnings.

Matlock fortunately have their ground, Causeway Lane, at a central location to their small town. A three-side ground extends into a cricket pitch, fenced off behind one goal for the more serious
sport. On one side a new stand proudly looks over the bobbly pitch, beside an unfinished clubhouse structure with good vantage. Behind the other goal is a mini-terrace with several poles which greatly impinge on your viewing, as I found when I could only tell the ball went in the Matlock net for the second time by the fan reaction. Another long stand-or-two spreads itself over the touchline parallel to Causeway Lane itself, is wooden, and both rickety and cricket-y. The new stand probably trumps the others as despite having to sit down, the vantage point is the best. Get involved here.

 

Ooh, shiny.

Unsurprisingly, the match was fast from the start. It was a compliment to us, despite edging it in play, when Deano skipped over a goalkeeper and defender that became entangled with each other to score into an open net from a tricky angle 14 minutes in. When Matlock attacked though, they attacked just as strongly. In one break Hedge ran out from his position and Matlock regained the ball. How many other defenders in this league would have cleared that effort from the six-yard box with a seal-like kick is unknown. We could have taken advantage of two easy close-range efforts (Holland skying it, Garner swiping at it) in the first half when Matlock weren't quite as strong, but the result's still fair and there for all to see.

 Drinking on the terraces? St Pauli? No, Matlock Town.

In the past year, Aspin's tactics have snuffed out the most dangerous strikers. Scott Barlow's tally? 0. Jordan Connerton's? 0. Michael Norton's? 0. Ross Hannah, Matlock's goalscorer of seven against Bedworth United last month, looked deadly every time he rampaged further than I've seen any opposition striker rampage this season. Despite this, he went to bed hungry on Tuesday night. One rifled shot in the second half and one very well-placed free kick (remember when our free kicks were well-placed?) were well-saved by Hedge and we have a decent enough defense for Matlock to be unable to do their worst.

 
Our second goal was a quick-footed Deano tap-in from a second Vardy assist where our reflexes beat those of the Matlock defense, but a two-goal lead didn't last too long as Lee Morris got one from the other side. This turned the final 35 minutes into a contest between us trying to finish them off and Matlock finding an equaliser. Though there were very few shots in it, play darted back and forth. Matlock didn't do themselves favours though, as Lee Featherstone reacted to Vardy's hard tackle by stamping on his ribcage. He didn't seem to understand his strength as he was sent off, and walked back to the changing rooms with a big smirk on his face. From now on if you hear the words "Lee Featherstone" you should immediately think "a threat to all that's good in football." Don't let him get away.

Even this didn't kill off Matlock's desire though, and the final whistle came as a relief when further goals could have gone either way, 50/50. It's odd to get to a ground through tiny Peak District B roads but an interesting experience to see a close, fought contest again. Whether it was well-fought isn't quite clear. The Gladiators lived up to their nickname but we weren't exactly saints.

This result makes it 10 wins in a row for the Shaymen.  30 points in 59 days. We could field a team full of the bastard children of Tom Harban and Cameron Jerome and still stay clear of relegation, let's put it that way.

 The Shaymen are starting to work well on uneven pitches.

Matlock 1 – 2 Halifax Town; att. 549

Ground: 6/10

Pitch: 5/10
Programme: N/A
Talent: zilch

Non-partisan entertainment: 8/10 

Marine 0 – 6 Halifax Town; 06/11/10.

Marine 0 – 6 Halifax Town; 06/11/10.

Last time we won 5–0 away and followed it up with a trip to Merseyside, things weren't good. At all. Yes, that trip to Prescot.

 

Action images from our 1–0 loss at Prescot.

The turn around from one result a year ago has been pretty nice! After kick-off I wasn't too sure when some good closing down from Hogan, Bower and the crew stifled a couple of Marine attacks, but our first opportunity arrived with a goal when Holland was left clear through. Dean managed to hammer one in without much difficulty a few minutes later following two defenders in a row deciding to tumble over, and the score was 2–0 to us!

Marine had a band with them. A military drummer and trumpeter helped carry a few of their own chants and it worked out very impressively, definitely the best work on chants I've heard right there. By now however, they were silenced for most of the rest of the match as our fans goaded them in return and kept on singing, a few people at a time, for a good fraction of the match. Their talents weren't well-proven on such a special occasion, but our players' talents probably were, as I've heard commotion about a few scouts turning up. They can look with their eyes and not with their hands.

 As the rain started to come down on the unsheltered stand behind the opposite goal where we were segregated we took cover in the long, thin touchline stand despite rain falling through where the floodlights poked out, which was the only space I could really find. Not much was missed and even though the game flowed, the hunger vanished and Town shirts kept Marine at bay whilst getting very muddy for the rest of the first half.

And for the second half, late revenge. Around 18 years to the day we came here in the First Round of the FA Cup only to score once, that one being after Marine had slotted four past us. Around 750 Shaymen saw one of our biggest cup humiliations of all-time and this is what the match day had infamy for. Film star James Dean got taken down by pop star Michael Jackson just inside the penalty area, and so with 15 minutes elapsed in the second half, Baker showed why he was our #1 penalty-taker yet again. With every man's cameraphone on display, he netted it into the corner just beyond Ryan McMahon's grip.

We benefited from an extremely disinterested Marine side with our clinicism towards the end, as the final three goals came in. Jamie Vardy (mazy runs are his first language in footy) took over as a Marine defender slipped on the now trench-like pitch, and quickly doubled his tally. A few minutes later yet again, now towards the end of the match, Vardy lobbed the 'keeper but it was too weak—Deano tapped it in from the open goal. Scars were, by then, almost healed. On any other day we'd be going "We could've had five or six." This week we did get six. Several minutes were left to be played, and the drummer and trumpeter were among the first Mariners to leave.

The ground itself is one of the most interesting ones I've seen, though not the best for viewing the game to say the least. In a police state-like decision from the council, the match had a heavy police presence for 400+ Shaymen and 300+ Mariners. We were then segregated, with the Mariners getting the pretty impressive main seated stand and everything on that side, leaving us to the touchline stand and the standing area behind the goal. The two man deep stand was at level with the pitch and action was often obscured by the standing area behind the goal by the nets, meaning I was striding restlessly here and there to get a good view of our attacks in the first half. Not too good for the downpour either, but it's the result that counts, innit. An old brick wall separates the touchline from the houses parallel on one side, and on the other the street and pitch are separated by a fence. Marine have finished off in this league being a "promoted team" before but haven't been able to go up due to ground grading. Though their ground is as built up as it can possibly be, the space the plot is on means this really isn't much. Just like Fratton Park or Highbury except humbler. Not the best if you want to watch a football game, but it has a hell of a lot of charm.

 

6–0 makes this one of our greatest wins in our reincarnation, equalling 7–1 against Salford City in 08/09, and a tasty 6–0 at Brandon United Preliminary Round of the FA Cup. I'd say it's the most unlikely six-goal margin we've earnt too. Superb!

Marine 0 – 6 Halifax Town; att. 726 

Ground: 9/10 for character, 3/10 for viewing

Pitch: 6/10 (started to deteriorate)
Programme: N/A
Talent: couldn't see from where I stood

Non-partisan entertainment: 8/10  

Durham City 0 – 2 Halifax Town; 16/10/10.

Durham City 0 – 2 Halifax Town; 16/10/10.

Here's one for you to miss. With the mercury tucked away deep into your thermometer, your team have an away day in the First Qualifying Round of the FA Cup 100 miles away. It's something I won't pass, in part due to my tie to the Shaymen and part because I wanted to meet a friend at the university. Otherwise I'd really have to dig deep for a good reason. It is a Town match, but one you know to be a dull, unglamorous formality in a land far away. I'd have to at least ponder a 200-mile round trip for my favourite bands so it shouldn't make sense that I would go for anything less. My trump card? Well, the Shaymen are more than a favourite band, aren't they.

This was a big one for Durham. Not a crowd-puller, but one with nothing to lose. A team they now know to be far tougher than them, and a slight money-earner for the club due to Halifax Town's radical introduction of away fans to the Evo-Stik league. Their side is still barely a senior one, and the best of the local sixth formers' ability is near warm-up pace to the Shaymen.

My last trip here was early on last year, when this was one of the season's biggest games. Durham were catching up on games and winning most of them. We always had more games played and because of that tasted the first place for a couple of months. A win there would've asserted our place. An average following of 450 came up and got so little atmosphere going that an older fan started blasting "Ole, ole, ole, ole/We are the Town, we are the Town" through a tinny megaphone speaker. We had several chants this time round, which shows how far our morale has come. Walking around New Ferens Park I had memories of trying to balance a plate of chips and programme whilst clapping at the good moves underneath the stand, Danny Meadowcroft doing a season-ending slide into the hoardings at the far side, and that disallowed header that stopped it from going to 2–1 for us. Oh, and one of the Durham strikers straight after the match with a baby in his arms, yelling at our fans that they'll be the champions, and we'll be consigned to the play-offs. An insult at the time, but in finishing eighth we would've been glad of playoffs towards the end of a sadly farcical season.

I dredge up these memories because there was nothing in this match for the memory. An emphatic win with little effort and thankfully no injuries on the tough astroturf, so job done. It's good to have memories of a place that is otherwise the most arid footballing land: a gloomy galvanised stand looking over the dark green plastic with hard standing everywhere else in between a nursery, a massive blue warehouse-like sports complex, and most uninhabitably, a Premier Inn. Said "inn" is attached to the grimmest restaurant ever, a franchised thing with a personality that would bore those who go to stadium:mk full of logs that will never be burnt on a fire. Over the space of 15 minutes, they failed to cut my friend a Victoria sponge before we had to march off to the game. Pathetic beyond words. The waitresses milled around the bar like remedial amoebas, moving pint glasses one metre east, then one metre west again. If those places are to your taste, please smash your head through your monitor immediately and make it your resting place.

Nicky Gray finally got that goal for his confidence, as he weaved from the line of the corner flag to the centre edge of the box to find a good place to leave the ball in the back left, out of the reach of the University Challenge-haired goalkeeper. That came in five minutes, and the second came later on in the second-half, with a hesitant tap-in by a pump-wearing James Dean.

Tomorrow we'll see if we're drawn anywhere interesting in the next round (Prescot Cables?).

 

Durham City 0 – 2 Halifax Town; att. 282
Ground: 3/10
Pitch: 3/10
Programme: N/A
Talent: 8/10 (in the city)
Non-partisan entertainment: 2/10 

Form:
Durham City 0 – 2 Halifax Town
Halifax Town 4 – 0 Harrogate Town
Burscough 0 – 2 Halifax Town
Ashton United 0 – 3 Halifax Town
Halifax Town 4 – 0 Hucknall Town

Halifax Town 4 – 0 Harrogate Town; 09/10/10.

Halifax Town 4 – 0 Harrogate Town; 09/10/10.

Watch the match highlights.

I take the very slight doubts I've had from time to time back. As in, when we don't win. Because when we don't, it's starting to feel very bad indeed. Neil Aspin really has designs upon this team. The way he helped his team carry out a demolishing of a troubled club, his old club that he got so close to promotion with on next to no money before leaving with no other choice, has been ruthless. Machiavelli on a 110 yard pitch. Before the match Aspin let us know that he was going to treat this game like any other tie against a step two team, and that he seemed to do. A reunion wouldn't be a good idea anyway, seeing as the Harrogate squad had completely changed over the past 18 months.

The spill of Shaymen & friends in the East Stand is looking healthy.

It was a great surprise to walk in and see a larger crowd then expected, and a party started at the same time kick-off did, us managing to sing for at least 85 minutes, exhausting literally every Town chant I could think of. Harrogate Town themselves could have brought one or two hundred, and pluckily sung along only to be drowned out whenever they did. A player of theirs ran onto the pitch in pink—I was guessing this was just the goalkeeper for a split second until it turned out they were all in pink. It's nothing short of noble to put yourself out like that for breast cancer awareness, but like that's going to stop the south stand from goading. They put in some good effort to start off with and some that made the two teams equal, though mysteriously they never got a shot in despite the pink presence in our third. After the routine finding-our-footing, we found ourselves deep into a pretty dirty game. Two-footers and  tackles on James Dean on goal etc etc, and a penalty was eventually given, along with a big fat red for their Pell. Naylor followed suit a few minutes into Harrogate's deficit for going two yellow cards too far: nine men before the break! With some composure, they began to realise the only way around a card-happy ref was to tone down the rough play, and by half-time it remained 1–0, though there was hardly a chance of that scoreline changing in their favour.

They're playing in pink? . . . PINK?!

A miraculous scenario to have at half time especially with the atmosphere, a number of buzzcuts in tracksuits appearing here and there who you don't normally see at the games. I'd imagine Aspin's words were few but to not make any silly mistakes and put a few more past them. Many shots got close, Gonzalez having to throw himself to the other side of the net for a few lethal shots (Baker being a chief suspect). Within only a handful of minutes Vardy signalled his return after being injured since Northwich with a rebounded close-range shot into the opposite corner, one that not a single goalie could get to. Gonzalez did his bit but the deficit had to be large. Both teams were behaving on the field save Harrogate Town getting very frustrated with some decisions . . . understandable for the more innocent ones when little could be played after two sendings off.

One to watch: Withinfields' no. 8.

Part-time fans were appeased when two goals in quick succession proved on paper that we really did lamp Aspin's old club. A bunch of Harrogate delegates had abandoned the stands after a smooth Taylor tap-in. It would've been heartbreaking were they still there to witness their old man Holland hammer the penultimate one from the edge of the box. A fifth went in but was declared offside, which the finish certainly wasn't but who's to complain. We were the lower league side and the better side, and with three knockouts we are officially on a cup run!

An interesting aside, since Following the Shaymen prides itself in its impartial coverage: many H'gate fans are happy with this result. Why? Their manager Weaver has been accused of being out-of-touch and being inept à la Jim Vince, with a good eye for players but not a single clue on how to put them on their mettle. Nothing is expected, but they hope such a diabolical result for them is exactly what's required to see the man out, a man who has no intention on resigning himself. An official joined the fan forum purely to rudely rebuke an open letter of complaint on there, and with its harsh words sizzling on my mind I see eye-to-eye with their plight. No matter how the performances are going, the fan is the one they should be treating above anyone else. If a fan has been supporting your team longer than you've been in charge of it, then take their words into consideration. They may just have a point to make. Cheers!

 

4QR. The one before the 1st Round. Will we appear on the small screen this year? Many would fancy us against any contenders for Monday's draw. There is the relative ease of Frickley or Sheffield FC, FC United of Manchester and then the true gift clash between Lincoln Moorlands Railway (cute name and second bottom of the NCEL) and Mossley AFC. Then there's even York City, Grimsby and a few others, who we could also hold our own against at our current standard. A slightly bigger party (probably) awaits in two Saturdays' time, but the focus for many Shaymen right now is clenching a win against whoever that will be, and the never-forgotten taste of league opposition.


Halifax Town 4 – 0 Harrogate Town; att. 1834
Entertainment: 8/10

Form:
Halifax Town 4 – 0 Harrogate Town
Burscough 0 – 2 Halifax Town
Ashton United 0 – 3 Halifax Town
Halifax Town 4 – 0 Hucknall Town
Ashton United 1 – 2 Halifax Town

Independent review (FA Cup Groundhopper).

Ashton United 0 – 3 Halifax Town; 02/10/10.

Ashton United 0 – 3 Halifax Town; 02/10/10.

To end our final FA Cup/league Saturday doublet, a handful more Shaymen than before surfaced in red brick Mancunia for another league game that will say a lot for our current playing standard.

It did—and with little skill required. Ashton practically gifted us this game, forcing Hedge to get fingers to one shot, but little more after that. That was them at their peak of the day, and after that they shut their eyes tight and gave in to a taste of the Shay medicine. This translated, and in return we didn't give a spectacular performance though Hardy returns to the team on fire, and Nicky Gray's desperate battle for a place in this season's team is seeing light at the end of the tunnel. Though without the confidence to go for goal himself, he set up a lot of good play. We haven't seen the end of him quite yet.

The squad was largely unchanged but Deano made a return, making a shot hit the netting in the first half before rolling flat on his belly over the line and just below where I was stood. He grinned throughout and seemed to be living the life of Riley (not James). He treated himself to a close range power into the top-middle which surpassed the 100 game award-winning Ashton keeper's reflexes for Town's second. The first came several minutes earlier in the play, this one in the first half, as Danny Holland was given an easy close-ranger as a result of bad defending, James Dean half-feeding Gray who left it to Holland who fed the goal.

So not too long after Deano's strike, an Ashton defender again gave a daft handball, and specially anointed penalty taker Baker gave a quick look at the left corner of the net and wrapped up the game. A fourth could have come, but the game was at a friendly pace with a friendly atmosphere. Nothing much else was needed, just ongoing harsh reminders of the Shaymen's presence in the Northern Premier and a special Hurst Cross leaving present from the hosts for three points.

Ashton United 0 – 3 Halifax Town; att. 543
Ground: 8/10
Pitch: 4/10
Programme: 4/10
Talent: 5/10
Non-partisan entertainment: 6/10

FC Halifax Town 4 – 0 Lancaster City; Sat 10th April 2010.

FC Halifax Town 4 – 0 Lancaster City; Sat 10th April 2010.

I had to take Night Nurse twice to get to sleep for two nights prior, and here it is—the very pinnacle of FC Halifax Town's existence thus far. Not that it were destined to be such (alternatively, it may have almost confirmed us going up via the playoffs), but most of even the loftiest predictions for Saturday's match managed to gaze above the end result.

What did we know? It was a battle between 2nd (us) and 1st (them), with two points separating it. It doesn't confirm a season, but it goes fairly far in telling us how the Unibond North runaways square up to one another.

So, it was 4–0, we're top now by a fragile point, and we managed to take in 3152 through the turnstiles. It was the highest crowd outside the league (luckily Luton, Oxford, Cambridge and Wimbledon weren't at home to pip it), and the 31st highest crowd in Saturday's pick of English football—all from a team in the eighth tier. That many for below sea level football, all spectators taking their places within two stands, means atmosphere. With me on accordion and another fan on drums that was what we had.

Not forgetting there were 22 people below us kicking a ball around too. The quality of play meant the woodwork fans would need good excuses to pass off watching us again. Many regulars took friends, exiles made the long trip, and some even wandered in out of interest. As a team, Lancaster were average and hadn't got us sussed at all. We, on the other hand, were on fire. All of our moves were given vocal encouragement and some of them were close calls. An early close-range effort was blasted over before Gregory opened it up within a few minutes. In the second half Fearon nearly spilled it into his own net. He took a scorching header towards the end very well, and another effort regretfully hit the bar. So another "We could've had seven or eight" again for many, though this time against a team that has won 13 on the trot; an opposition form you wouldn't want to take home to see your grandma.



On top of the bombarding of the Lancaster defense, three further goals pinned the Dolly Blues down. Payne's header near the end of the first half bounced 'twixt players but couldn't be stopped, then Deano and another from loan man Lee Gregory towards the end. Lancaster were everything I found them to be away at Woodley, which wasn't much at all. But this time Lancaster scuppered a chance of running away with it against their only rivals to the title; an awful move for their management. They played football, but they didn't play it very well. That seems to happen nine times out of ten when a team play football against us. The Lancaster striker Jordan Connerton, who has equalled our James Dean's tally, failed to break through the defense and add to his 38 or so in this season's campaign.

It was a performance that never petered out either end and I have no reason to rate it under 10/10, even were I a non-partisan. For passion, whichever team you backed, you weren't going to find a better venue this Saturday. I won't even mention the baseness of the Grand National . . . Many of the <100 Lancaster fans were still applauding their team several minutes after full-time, and the four goals each tested the crush barriers from my placing near the top of the South Stand. Sadly, it will always heat up a bit, especially in the biggest game we've had for a few years, and a nobber or two tried to pick a fight with the Lancaster fans, but there was nothing at all serious to report. I have to blame those in power for not imposing segregation when it was necessary and made complete sense.



Coming home I found out Shonen Knife are playing at the Brudenell Social Club in Leeds in May. Bloody perfect day, and well done for all of those extras lending support. I'm hoping 650 are now in the mind to find the Tameside on AA Route Planner this Monday for Curzon away, which will be a tougher match, nyerm, 1300+ in attendance for Radcliffe home this Thursday, and what, 850+ 'obbling to Ossett on Saturday. The fixtures are clogged, but if this 4–0 of all 4–0s doesn't snuff the apathy of Calderdale citizens and attract a few hundred more, nothing will.

This has been my proudest moment as a Shaymen and I have a feeling people won't come out with ridicule as often when they find out where my allegiance is. Having said that, I'd like to have a slightly calmer match next time! Most of us know that on Wednesday night, over five dying minutes we scored three away to Garforth Town to come out 3–4 victors and I'm becoming a mental wreck.

As per match reports away to Rossy and Garforth during the week, I'm afraid I've been in Scotland. They'll never be, unless on the off-chance someone wants to write them up for me.

Just perfect! Who needs female contact? See you at the Shay.



FC Halifax Town 4 – 0 Lancaster; att. 3512.
Non-partisan rating: 10/10
Top men: all

Freezing our tits off for Rossendale.

Freezing our tits off for Rossendale.

We've had a burden on us to win this one at least 3–1 really, to keep up the threatening score lines. But with a 2–0 win in the most blustery, chilling weather of my all-time football experience is a total pleasure, and what being a fan is all about.

Came back from a guitar lesson to get to the Shay at 7pm, and I was in the first ten Shaymen to arrive stood in the stands. An old man hobbled down with me briskly, going, "It'll be off! It'll be abandoned! We'll lose anyway but it'll still be off!" No matter how I answered him, he replied with this. Skircoat supporters are like really dumb computers sometimes.

But he had a point on one front. The wind was billowing, and in the front several rows of the stand you were in for a fright. Absolutely freezing. This was what the pitch was like at 7pm, and it only got worse:



Grabbed some very stale chips, and watched one of the most arduous first halves ever. Though Rossendale barely threatened and failed to test the keeper, nothing seemed to come of our attacks, Hedge ran about to keep warm, and I wished I could. Practically nothing happened in the half and I was worried a goal would find its way past Hedge through bad luck, as is the way of things. The first half ball was white you see, and the surface was so slow that pace was nonexistent. When the whistle blew I started on my way to the car as I thought it meant the game had been called off. I'd say there would've been an 85% chance of it.

About twenty minutes in the second half things really perked up. Most of the 801 (an attendance I'm happy with considering so many wouldn't've gone due to its likelihood to be called off) were in the South Stand, huddled like minnows to avoid the snowfall and the atmosphere was fairly prevailing. A (Danny) Lowe attendance for (Aaron) Hardy, season ticket-holding fans, ho ho ho. Still, pitch conditions weren't as bad as Prescot Shambles'. Lee and Peers were brought on and the football became more attacking. Deano's converted penalty helped us grab a win, but Peers confirmed it, were a stray attack to have somehow succeeded in the Rossendale end. The Stags tried hard and put men behind the ball, but were by and large incapable of doing anything. Happy with 2–0, more than happy to see the Shaymen work as such a fluid, together unit; something you'd never get with Jim Vince's lot.

Should be a more convincing win by numbers against Radcliffe on Saturday too.

FC Halifax Town 3 – 0 Harrogate Railway Athletic; 13th February 2010.

FC Halifax Town 3 – 0 Harrogate Railway Athletic; 13th February 2010.

To hell with the missus, spend a Saturday afternoon freezing to death at the Shay with 1200 or so other enlightened characters and watch tearfully one-sided football until the final, shrill whistle. And if you find that a little too much, take her with you. Just remember to go to the toilet beforehand, because there isn't any soap in the grounds' bogs and apparently merely wetting your hands only feeds germs.

Tonight's a night of celebration, for this is the first match report I've done for Town which doesn't involve them drawing! It isn't a curse! But against a team who have failed to win away in the league this season, it shouldn't be such a surprise. Despite that, Harrogate RA are a team that play more football than average, and a unit I hope we didn't humiliate too much.

The match heralded possibly a first at the Shay, as I took along a friend who is possibly the first Chinese woman ever to pass through the turnstiles. And . . . *drum roll* . . . we've just made another Shay(wo)man! Town put their all into today's game and she wasn't disappointed at all, despite being new to the game to my knowledge. It's also good to finally have a case of Halifax stealing fans from Huddersfield for once, rather than the other way round.



Kicking off, as always it was pretty even for the first five minutes. We warmed up and started spending most of the time in their half again.

Now, one of the cardinal sins of a striker or anyone getting forward to the box is allowing the ball to fly across the box and for none of them to receive it as it does. Dead balls going from post-to-post in line with the net is desperately sad. If an opponent grabs it there, then tough titty. Otherwise, it's an open goal opportunity. Anyway, it happens, and opportunities like that saw the Shaymen getting closer and closer to the net. For the rotund goalkeeper's waddling and lack of dedication however, he pulled off decent saves throughout the game and eventually Marshall had a gloved header trickle in as the goalkeeper scuffled it. Goalazzio!

More putting-in-placeness came approaching half time, as corners didn't quite find clinical headers, and throughout the game two or three goals were disallowed, though with fair sense. Commotion was raised as Scooby (I think) fell in the box, but by half time it was 1–0, a satisfactory, but not quite comfortable.

Harrogate didn't really threaten in their few attacks, but of them there were two goalmouth scrambles where Hedge eventually gathered the ball. He had a fantastic match to man up to some of the balls which got so near to the net (even though the venom in Harrogate's attack was about as poisonous as a nice hot bubble bath), and the first clean sheet in a few games.

The second half saw an even better display of football. The only performance I can truly criticise was the meekness of Winter's efforts, and Nicky Gray, though his confidence increased as the game went on. The second goal seemed without question as Gray broke through and with a clear-cut effort, slotted it past the keeper who, due to his mass, was unable to get to the ground in time.

Play petered out a little again as it did after the first goal, and Peers came on. Within a few minutes, he fired a low shot at the keeper in a similar scenario, which was hit to fly straight out of the nets immediately by the desperate slide of a Harrogate defender. The referee quickly decided the effort went in. 3–0! The cheers weren't as great due to the moment of suspension, and the controversy about whether it went in definitely was there, as there were but microseconds in the time it actually passed the goal line and was kicked out if at all. But, Town fans! Here's your proof:



The second half was comfy and without too many mistakes anyway, and many may say the score didn't quite live up to the performance, but there's nothing to complain about. Practically the best thirteen players at this current time saw through the game at least in parts, functioned exceptionally well and were a treat to watch. A comfortable game once we picked up at the second half, and another seller for FCHT. The whistle blew after a worry-free half, and Town fans quickly filed out of the stadium before their extremities froze off.

We'll have to take the chances bequeathed to us on Monday's Curzon game at the Tameside if they have the skills their position suggests, but by today's result, there is nothing to fear. It'll be a heated cracker of a game regardless of the final score, and if you're not usually the one who'd enjoy getting pneumonia for your local team then I pray you take that evening's game as an exception. Hoping for a crowd in excess of 700 there, and if you'll be one of them then I'll happily see you there.