Colwyn Bay 2 – 1 Halifax Town; 03/01/11.

Colwyn Bay 2 – 1 Halifax Town; 03/01/11.

Could you ever believe it? Two matches in three days! Finally, some excitement in our lives! A bank holiday trip to remember and er . . . oh.

At least our two longest journeys are out of the way. Colwyn's a 200-mile round trip to scenic Wales. Pies were forbiddingly served upside down in their polystyrene cases with no vegetarian one on offer. What is to expect of a country where boys leave school at 10 to become mercenaries for various tribes, while the girls are forbidden from even having an education? Adults were charged £7, on the cheap side for NPL games, but a whole week's wages for the average Welsh family.

Some Colwyn pressing quickly followed kick-off, but 'twas us who first threatened to get it in with a Vardy header that hit the post. They were tough oppo' to get through but the work rate between Baker and Phelan edged us. This was brought to the score sheet after 27 minutes when Phelan decided to take one of his hits and it fired in from outside the box. Phelan is always known to hit the woodwork with these efforts but a piece of justice came for him in one of the best goals of the season.

The first half carried on as it did. Tight, well played but without much of note. We were a few times saved by the fists of Hedge, who had to almost juggle the ball mid-air from a cross, punched it out a few times and managed to smother a shot that the Seagulls thought had been spilled (kickety-kick). Colwyn soon went on to show their Clown College side with a bit of acrobatics, which the referee did everything to encourage, rewarding kicks to them every time they performed a roly-poly.

It was when the second half came in that this really did grow painful. Before our substitutions (our four out-field players on the bench were strikers, which was worrying), we played at domination. So many balls swept past the goal line and into the other wing, with the Colwyn keeper catching each ball like a kitten after several hits of catnip. He became the official man of the match. Deano's legs were rightly proclaimed dud, and Marshall replaced him. Garner was surprisingly replaced by Taylor, despite having a good game. Our attacks outnumbered Colwyn's by about three-to-one . . . yet . . . two of their goalmouth scrambles went in. The first was a surprise that couldn't dent our hopes too much. The defending for the second was abject, and after about forty-six attempts at our goal from four yards, it went in. All of a sudden, there were 350 Colwyn fans in the ground, and they were cheering. Strangely they mostly had weak Scouse and Lancashire accents, while the children spoke like they were performing in period dramas. I remember barely being able to spot one in August '09, when we showed the team that went up with us how much of a threat we were with a 3–0 rout at Llanelian Road. Their inability to support a team for the majority of the time was highlighted with their second chant, "Can we play you every week?" which was a call for sadomasochism as the best team had lost. Or maybe they meant "Can we play with ewes every week?" Gerrit?

A stale taste of Prescot air came after the game's third and final goal. Their players would deliberately head away new balls that were thrown in after they skied our attacking balls out of play. The humiliation came when they refused to hand us a ball for one corner, and Tom Baker had to jump the fences to retrieve one from the field behind the East Stand. That gesture has highlighted to me the lack of professionalism that often crops up in this league, and a sad sense that our efforts are being manipulated. Three added minutes were given, of which one more was played, and the sun set on a desperate day where we lacked it clinically, slid on the pitch surface too often and failed to establish our positions. Seeing Vardy act as an auxiliary forward didn't best chuff me, as he had the most potential for scoring.

Luckily we can nip the entire problem behind today's loss in the bud by looking at how the defense deals with balls in the area. With a little more luck this is our "blip" team and we can lick the likes of Worksop and wonder why they're in the position they are. Another of the toughest draws comes this Saturday, away to Sludgeheap Victoria. I'll be hungry for more efficiency, Bower's defensive guidance, and better vantage points than at Llanelian Road.

Colwyn Bay 2 – 1 Halifax Town; att. 844

Ground: 5/10

Pitch: 5/10
Programme: N/A
Talent: 5/10

Non-partisan entertainment: 6/10 

Matlock Town 1 – 2 Halifax Town; 16/11/10.

Matlock Town 1 – 2 Halifax Town; 16/11/10.

Turns out the Peak District has possibly the coldest weather in England. Cold but not numb in Leeds as I set off; cold but not numb as I arrived back at 11:15pm. 300 or so Shaymen going down Matlock way for a craic have experienced their first properly extremity-freezing match of the season, but all with good earnings.

Matlock fortunately have their ground, Causeway Lane, at a central location to their small town. A three-side ground extends into a cricket pitch, fenced off behind one goal for the more serious
sport. On one side a new stand proudly looks over the bobbly pitch, beside an unfinished clubhouse structure with good vantage. Behind the other goal is a mini-terrace with several poles which greatly impinge on your viewing, as I found when I could only tell the ball went in the Matlock net for the second time by the fan reaction. Another long stand-or-two spreads itself over the touchline parallel to Causeway Lane itself, is wooden, and both rickety and cricket-y. The new stand probably trumps the others as despite having to sit down, the vantage point is the best. Get involved here.

 

Ooh, shiny.

Unsurprisingly, the match was fast from the start. It was a compliment to us, despite edging it in play, when Deano skipped over a goalkeeper and defender that became entangled with each other to score into an open net from a tricky angle 14 minutes in. When Matlock attacked though, they attacked just as strongly. In one break Hedge ran out from his position and Matlock regained the ball. How many other defenders in this league would have cleared that effort from the six-yard box with a seal-like kick is unknown. We could have taken advantage of two easy close-range efforts (Holland skying it, Garner swiping at it) in the first half when Matlock weren't quite as strong, but the result's still fair and there for all to see.

 Drinking on the terraces? St Pauli? No, Matlock Town.

In the past year, Aspin's tactics have snuffed out the most dangerous strikers. Scott Barlow's tally? 0. Jordan Connerton's? 0. Michael Norton's? 0. Ross Hannah, Matlock's goalscorer of seven against Bedworth United last month, looked deadly every time he rampaged further than I've seen any opposition striker rampage this season. Despite this, he went to bed hungry on Tuesday night. One rifled shot in the second half and one very well-placed free kick (remember when our free kicks were well-placed?) were well-saved by Hedge and we have a decent enough defense for Matlock to be unable to do their worst.

 
Our second goal was a quick-footed Deano tap-in from a second Vardy assist where our reflexes beat those of the Matlock defense, but a two-goal lead didn't last too long as Lee Morris got one from the other side. This turned the final 35 minutes into a contest between us trying to finish them off and Matlock finding an equaliser. Though there were very few shots in it, play darted back and forth. Matlock didn't do themselves favours though, as Lee Featherstone reacted to Vardy's hard tackle by stamping on his ribcage. He didn't seem to understand his strength as he was sent off, and walked back to the changing rooms with a big smirk on his face. From now on if you hear the words "Lee Featherstone" you should immediately think "a threat to all that's good in football." Don't let him get away.

Even this didn't kill off Matlock's desire though, and the final whistle came as a relief when further goals could have gone either way, 50/50. It's odd to get to a ground through tiny Peak District B roads but an interesting experience to see a close, fought contest again. Whether it was well-fought isn't quite clear. The Gladiators lived up to their nickname but we weren't exactly saints.

This result makes it 10 wins in a row for the Shaymen.  30 points in 59 days. We could field a team full of the bastard children of Tom Harban and Cameron Jerome and still stay clear of relegation, let's put it that way.

 The Shaymen are starting to work well on uneven pitches.

Matlock 1 – 2 Halifax Town; att. 549

Ground: 6/10

Pitch: 5/10
Programme: N/A
Talent: zilch

Non-partisan entertainment: 8/10 

Halifax Town 4 – 0 Harrogate Town; 09/10/10.

Halifax Town 4 – 0 Harrogate Town; 09/10/10.

Watch the match highlights.

I take the very slight doubts I've had from time to time back. As in, when we don't win. Because when we don't, it's starting to feel very bad indeed. Neil Aspin really has designs upon this team. The way he helped his team carry out a demolishing of a troubled club, his old club that he got so close to promotion with on next to no money before leaving with no other choice, has been ruthless. Machiavelli on a 110 yard pitch. Before the match Aspin let us know that he was going to treat this game like any other tie against a step two team, and that he seemed to do. A reunion wouldn't be a good idea anyway, seeing as the Harrogate squad had completely changed over the past 18 months.

The spill of Shaymen & friends in the East Stand is looking healthy.

It was a great surprise to walk in and see a larger crowd then expected, and a party started at the same time kick-off did, us managing to sing for at least 85 minutes, exhausting literally every Town chant I could think of. Harrogate Town themselves could have brought one or two hundred, and pluckily sung along only to be drowned out whenever they did. A player of theirs ran onto the pitch in pink—I was guessing this was just the goalkeeper for a split second until it turned out they were all in pink. It's nothing short of noble to put yourself out like that for breast cancer awareness, but like that's going to stop the south stand from goading. They put in some good effort to start off with and some that made the two teams equal, though mysteriously they never got a shot in despite the pink presence in our third. After the routine finding-our-footing, we found ourselves deep into a pretty dirty game. Two-footers and  tackles on James Dean on goal etc etc, and a penalty was eventually given, along with a big fat red for their Pell. Naylor followed suit a few minutes into Harrogate's deficit for going two yellow cards too far: nine men before the break! With some composure, they began to realise the only way around a card-happy ref was to tone down the rough play, and by half-time it remained 1–0, though there was hardly a chance of that scoreline changing in their favour.

They're playing in pink? . . . PINK?!

A miraculous scenario to have at half time especially with the atmosphere, a number of buzzcuts in tracksuits appearing here and there who you don't normally see at the games. I'd imagine Aspin's words were few but to not make any silly mistakes and put a few more past them. Many shots got close, Gonzalez having to throw himself to the other side of the net for a few lethal shots (Baker being a chief suspect). Within only a handful of minutes Vardy signalled his return after being injured since Northwich with a rebounded close-range shot into the opposite corner, one that not a single goalie could get to. Gonzalez did his bit but the deficit had to be large. Both teams were behaving on the field save Harrogate Town getting very frustrated with some decisions . . . understandable for the more innocent ones when little could be played after two sendings off.

One to watch: Withinfields' no. 8.

Part-time fans were appeased when two goals in quick succession proved on paper that we really did lamp Aspin's old club. A bunch of Harrogate delegates had abandoned the stands after a smooth Taylor tap-in. It would've been heartbreaking were they still there to witness their old man Holland hammer the penultimate one from the edge of the box. A fifth went in but was declared offside, which the finish certainly wasn't but who's to complain. We were the lower league side and the better side, and with three knockouts we are officially on a cup run!

An interesting aside, since Following the Shaymen prides itself in its impartial coverage: many H'gate fans are happy with this result. Why? Their manager Weaver has been accused of being out-of-touch and being inept à la Jim Vince, with a good eye for players but not a single clue on how to put them on their mettle. Nothing is expected, but they hope such a diabolical result for them is exactly what's required to see the man out, a man who has no intention on resigning himself. An official joined the fan forum purely to rudely rebuke an open letter of complaint on there, and with its harsh words sizzling on my mind I see eye-to-eye with their plight. No matter how the performances are going, the fan is the one they should be treating above anyone else. If a fan has been supporting your team longer than you've been in charge of it, then take their words into consideration. They may just have a point to make. Cheers!

 

4QR. The one before the 1st Round. Will we appear on the small screen this year? Many would fancy us against any contenders for Monday's draw. There is the relative ease of Frickley or Sheffield FC, FC United of Manchester and then the true gift clash between Lincoln Moorlands Railway (cute name and second bottom of the NCEL) and Mossley AFC. Then there's even York City, Grimsby and a few others, who we could also hold our own against at our current standard. A slightly bigger party (probably) awaits in two Saturdays' time, but the focus for many Shaymen right now is clenching a win against whoever that will be, and the never-forgotten taste of league opposition.


Halifax Town 4 – 0 Harrogate Town; att. 1834
Entertainment: 8/10

Form:
Halifax Town 4 – 0 Harrogate Town
Burscough 0 – 2 Halifax Town
Ashton United 0 – 3 Halifax Town
Halifax Town 4 – 0 Hucknall Town
Ashton United 1 – 2 Halifax Town

Independent review (FA Cup Groundhopper).

Ashton United 1 – 2 Halifax Town; 25/09/10.

Ashton United 1 – 2 Halifax Town; 25/09/10.

The two Saturday home games against Whitby are over, so time for the two Saturday away games at Ashton United's Hurst Cross. Good enough for me, because I remember loving the place in February when Mossley had to play there. I discover they don't have one gents' at the corner of the ground that is just a 5'6 brick wall, but two. I get some drinks down me and have a wee at one during half-time. I have exercised my maleness by pissing on a low designated wall—the most unorthodox bogs in English football—and so should you. Sadly, the weather's getting plain nasty so make sure no-one catches a glimpse of your cold-shrivelled member.

 That isn't my head. I'm just a voyeur.

At the end of this week, Ashton will be swimming in it from two days of hosting Town, which does our bit in helping them survive after being sued £32,000 for that career-ending injury one of their players inflicted on another several years ago, as compensation culture has wormed its way into northern football matches, where you realistically should expect to get some career-ending injury on your way to retirement anyway. I'm glad to come back in the daytime.

Where Ashton lock up their old managers.

Because this is football, and vegetarians are therefore gays, I got a serving of chips and pestilant-looking mushy peas which turned out to be gorgeous, rather than the elusive Holland's pie. I also took another look in the shop, but the way the conversation the shop attendants were having stopped as soon as a Town fan came in made me quickly scarper. To wrap up eating two of my five-a-day (chips 'n peas) I had a Mars, and as I dropped the end of it off in a bin, Ashton scored. 1–0 in 20 seconds, and Town hadn't even touched the ball. Those extrapolating the score to predict a 270–0 victory by full-time would be silly buggers, as after this with some work from Hedge, and little work beyond catching crosses and squared balls for the Ashton 'keeper, the first half ended with a 1–0 deficit. Luckily though, a referee decided to attend the game, and despite being as imperfect as the tier he works in suggests, he was one who checked his decisions throughout the game. For better or worse, in the 44th minute he sent off an Ashton player. It made sense to send off one to punish the rest of them, as the Shaymen were facing yet another team that practise rolling about on the ground more than anything else during training, and this would be a turning point where, after a half-time "chat," we could find areas to properly penetrate the Ashton box after a level 45 minutes.

It was definitely tough still, possibly with only one forward (half in experiment, half because Deano had conjunctivitis). With as always, either a profoundly unfit Ashton side or more likely a very dirty Ashton side, they tumbled here and there, but the referee would have little of it, ending up telling main culprit number 6 to get up. That, an uneven pitch, and the Ashton tactics that have seen them let in little and score few more, made it tough to watch the artful game, but we're all equally happy to watch the northern game.

The goals came in the last fifteen minutes, and they had to have come at some point. Three of them, the last being disallowed. Two short-rangers from Taylor were notched, one off a rebounding penalty, but enough to make things ecstatic in a packed terrace behind the goal. A contrast to the dejected face of the defender who stopped in his tracks as the second went in, and trudged back to the middle of the pitch where an early FA Cup knock-out was waiting for him and his club.

In two weeks we play the 3QR at the Shay, playing at home to Harrogate Town.

Ashton United 1 – 2 Halifax Town; att. 525
Ground: 8/10
Pitch: 5/10
Programme: N/A
Talent: lass in the tea hut looked good from behind
Non-partisan entertainment: 6/10

Seasonal affective disorder.

Seasonal affective disorder.

It is sad news indeed to announce in the Following the Shaymen HQ that Winter has been called back early to Northwich. We'll without a doubt be greatly missing his input.

I just don't see that this loss can affect us too badly. I'll miss the lad. The Phelan–Baker–Winter combo would be a tough one to reckon with in any Town formation in the past couple of decades. However, we can't let ourselves panic.

Before Winter came along we were the promotion force we've always been. By the close of the year our WDL record was still brilliant. We can't be completely lost from these heady days a few months ago. Despite the few that'll be available at this time too, Aspin is the one who'll look for talent to paste into the cracks. Northwich Victoria have their team on transfer list, and may be a good call to find another player (is Junior Brown still playing for them? Ha, ha, ha). Otherwise it'll be at least considered that we'll sign him.

For now, we still have Syko, who seemed a gem at the start of the season. In his few performances since he's been substandard, nutting a player and getting sent off within a few minutes of his return to the game from a broken arm. He could play deep a little while we get Baker to gang up on the goalie with Scott. Whatever way, if we harness our line-ups correctly, which Aspin will near doubtless do, we won't realise the potential points loss in Winter's return.



Still, this is JUST like waking up from a dream just before the really good bit.

The part where you're about to open that treasure chest.

The part where the sultry temptress (played by Carey Mulligan in this author's fantasy) goads you into your hotel room.

The part where you're sitting on a cloud with God, and upon asking him the meaning of life, he opens his mouth and says, "Well, Arthur . . ."

The part where Deano places the ball on the white spot 10 or so yards from the keeper, takes a long run up and fires home the fifth goal in front of thousands of Shaymen against Lancaster in April, sending us eight points clear on the top of the Unibond North.



Anyway, a third of the season to go, and if we keep it up, we'll end up on 99.0000001 points. Sound alright to you?