Retford United 0 – 2 Halifax Town; 09/04/11.

Retford United 0 – 2 Halifax Town; 09/04/11.

One of the less flattering stats I can uncover for the Shaymen is that previous to our title-winning match at Retford this Saturday, we hadn't kept a clean sheet on aggregate against any team we'd played twice or more this season. For example, we beat Burscough 2–0 away and 3–2 at home, Ashton lost 3–0 at home to us and 1–0 away to us, but scored against us in the FA Cup, etc. Retford's statistics for this game said it all though. Shots off target: 0. Shots on target: 0. Corners: 0. So for a team who made a few attacks in the game, how did they not get any shooting practice? Throw-ins, dear reader. Retford is the European capital of the long throw-in, and the Badgers even hit the post with one this weekend.

Prior to the great badger cull, we'd drawn to Matlock to deny us the title last weekend. On Wednesday, Buxton could no longer catch us up when ex-Shaymen Andy Campbell scored the only goal for Whitby to beat them at the Turnbull Ground. This meant Colwyn could only overtake us . . . if they overcame a goal difference of 54 on us. With Retford propping up the table for the entirety of the season and Colwyn at Buxton, we were DEFINITELY DEFINITELY going to win.

That we did. It took us a little while to work out the pitch at Cannon Park, which had gone from swamp-like when we played there against Worksop in February to like a chicken's mudbath, and then we proceeded to play friendly-style football against a team filled with self-hatred. This self-hatred peaked at around 20 minutes when their #2 and #7 started fighting. Believe in your team, Retford. Cannon Park is still shockingly small and it was almost pointless to sing on hard standing. The park ground I went to today could've held more fans due to its grassy banks, and save the odd dandelion, the pitch was in a similar condition.

Our goal came when we broke on the 23rd minute, Vardy laying it to Lee Gregory who dodged it in an offside position, leaving Holland to come from nowhere. Clean through, he let the ball tumble in from the edge of the box. Two Town fans got on the pitch. Soon after Vardy almost did the same, but took it too far. A few minutes later the Town fans nearly got as noisy again: the lino made a poor decision to award them a goal kick, and when he ran off down the touchline, the flag fell off its stick. He retreated in embarrassment. A few Shaymen stole my "You should've got some Evo-Stik!" line. Liam Hogan made a textbook header from a Garner corner at the close of the half to satisfactorily put us 2–0 up.

The second half was low on entertainment, I'm afraid, but Baker and Holland were very watchable as individuals. I'd be a little worried by this scoreline normally, but the Town were going up. At the final whistle we invaded the pitch. Having done such a rigorous circuit on Friday evening instead of leaping over the barrier I collapsed over it, my sunglasses falling off pitifully, which the Shaymen Player just about missed out on filming, thank god. The Retford players wished us the best and for the next ten minutes we celebrated with our now-topless players in an open rural ground in north Nottinghamshire. The fans jumped up and down singing under a huge FC Halifax Town flag with our all-time top-scorer James Dean. If there's something football's lacking as you go up the leagues . . .

Today is Sunday 10th April. Temperatures have been above 20ºC for the best part of the day. We have five league games left, but today our pre-season began. We'll be looking at how to play in the Conference North, who to pick and who to say goodbye to. We've begun a long promotion party and I hope that you can attend.

 

 

Retford United 0 – 2 Halifax Town; att. 829

Match: 5/10
Atmosphere: 8/10
Food: 5/10
Drink: N/A, no ale
Bar: dark and showing the Grand National, yawn
People: didn't see any!
Programme: 6/10
Town: N/A
Ground: 1/10
Talent: 5/10
Overall day: 9/10

Worksop Town 1 – 1 Halifax Town; 12/02/11.

Worksop Town 1 – 1 Halifax Town; 12/02/11.

Yeah, FINALLY. Sorry. I'm going deep into some sort of knuckle-down mode with my university work now and often days go by without this blog crossing my mind. Checking back on here and seeing that the stats are still great, I've got to continue. My town needs me.

 

Our main strike force (L–R): Vardy, Dean, Holland and Gregory.

Worksop would be, and was, a hard one. Going into the year they were the team closest to our heels, but threw away a few of their games in hand, including a 1–4 home loss to Ossett Town, which was nearly as surprising as if Barclay's were to start paying their taxes. Whatever happened on that day couldn't have been repeated when the champions came to town. By town I don't mean Worksop Town, as they currently groundshare at Retford. And by Retford I mean a bunch of marshy fields outside Retford.

I love the experience of going to these new grounds. Even one-stand parks have charm or things worthy of note. However, Harrogate Railway Athletic the other week had more merit than this place. A rival to AFC Fylde's non-venue, Retford United's Cannon Park has the same flat-pack stand and some corrugated tin going down the hard standing of one goal. Its redeeming feature is a gentle hill behind a decently-sized clubhouse, up which an infinite train of horse vans go. Unlike Fylde's, the pitch is small and monstrously choppy, and so I'm told an improvement from what it was just the week before. Retford United have finished in promotion places for four seasons out of four until a couple of years ago, which is a fair reason for why this place is so tiny. They are currently on their way back down again. Through Retford United, we'll be returning to Cannon Park again.

Bowed Shaymen heads, ashamed by the dull first half.

Worksop have many fans in noticeable scarves which are still swamped by Shaymen, one who staggers out of the club shop some time after kick-off with two full Evo-Stik bags. Perhaps he was stocking up for Christmas 2011, but I'm the one who got the Prescot Cables lapel badge. Things start off all Town attacking before Worksop gain an equal grasp of the game, after which a set piece is met with a Suarez header that strands Hedge. Worksop are up but we maintain a little confidence, or at least enough to try two bicycle kicks à la Wayne Rooney's that day. Obvious influences that didn't give their goalie much of a chance.

Retford will willingly sell that tunnel for just one league point.

To stay in the game Worksop used a fair amount of force, courtesy of their body weights. They held our players back repeatedly when going for headers and hoofed balls into the adjacent marshland, again repeatedly, which made the referee's three added minutes decision seem ludicrous. The physical aspect to the game took us back to last season but to their credit, they gave us no space.

The Cannon Park grandstand.

This made the match exude a feeling similar to that of Clitheroe away last year, coming back from a deficit against a team that gave us no space to turn with the ball. An equaliser wouldn't be a steal though, as we came back in the second half with by far the most attacks. The attacks they had were disconcerting but we survived. We won't survive if Lee Gregory continues to miss efforts from two yards though! A few times, getting a single paw to the ball was all their 'keeper (name still unknown), as Worksop's orange shirts flooded the box with a tried 'n tested 8–1–1 formation and could clear it enough to not have to worry about another Shaymen attack for at least 15 seconds. A penalty shout was turned down when Bower was felled, and you could even hear a faint pained whinnying from a horse that saw it through the windows of a passing horse van. We were awarded with a righteous penalty after a pull in the box, which Baker converted with typical ease and an airborne shot into the left side of the net. That's all we could get, and fair play. It's very likely that Worksop will be fighting in the playoffs and you can take a point at these places. Hopefully we bear another trip back.

Worksop Town 1 – 1 Halifax Town; att. 766

Ground: 1/10

Pitch: 2/10
Programme: 6/10 (Why is there a picture of one of Colwyn Bay's stands on the front of it?)
Talent: N/A
Chips: 5/10